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Category Archives: Work Life

Show Me the Way to Catch Up

Personal Growth, Work Life January 15, 2014 Comments: 2

Fourteen or so years ago I remember talking to someone and telling her that I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that I was forgetting something. She helped me to talk through general things with my house, job, and kids so that we figured that there wasn’t anything glaring. We were operating on the assumption that my feeling must be based on something concrete – an actually overdue or nearly due to-do.

This conversation sticks in my mind because it marks the start of my current stage when I have learned to live with this feeling as a constant companion. Because I am forgetting things, those little things like all the personal, car, house maintenance that we should do to keep things tip top and running smoothly. And all the little things at work that would make other things less reactive.

We imagine that past generations had it a bit easier – indeed they didn’t have things like 401k accounts to rebalance, or HSA accounts for that matter. The types of insurance constituted a shorter list, and so lessened the bewildering amount of paperwork, rules and the like to track and decide upon. Working on the car didn’t require specialized skills or tools – diagnostics was what the doctor did when he depressed your tongue.

Public domain image, Bay Bridge

No matter, I would just like to break this feeling of falling behind. Knowing that I am not alone in this is some comfort, but not relief. And hiring an assistant would be amazing, but not in my budget. Friends and I often compare areas where we are ahead or behind each other – a little competition to spice up the endless race not to fall further behind.

(The title is hummed to the tune of “Show me the way to go home”… I’m tired and I want to go to bed…)

Distractions of the Insidious Kind

Work Life January 13, 2014 Comments: 2

There is a printer that has seen better days that sits about 30 feet from my desk and thankfully it is turned off most of the time. Because when it is on those of us who sit near are driven to distraction by the scritching and scratching of its old rollers, the low squeal as its moving parts grind. All other thoughts flee from my head to be replaced by ‘that is ridiculously annoying’.

Even though an office is full of all sorts of sounds on a regular basis – phones ringing, talking, people moving about – this sort of maddening sound is along the same lines as the smoke detector that decides to start chirping its low battery message in the quiet of a sleeping house at 2am. Anything else that might have been in your head is immediately abandoned and this distraction takes over.

public domain image

One person’s mind-centering soothing sounds are nails on a chalkboard to another. And then there are the visual distractions as well that tease your eyes away from your screen or the person that you are talking to. Evolution has taught us that we need to develop a healthy balance between intense focus and awareness of our surroundings. But once I identify that annoying distraction, Evolution, why can’t I go back to my intense focus? If someone is playing a song that I know and don’t like, why does it get stuck in my head for hours afterward?

Other times, once I get settled into a groove, I can work away at a thing in a busy and public place like a coffee shop without any difficulty. Intense focus comes through for me. Distractions are no match. What’s the difference? Hard to say.

I think that in part it comes down to what you can adjust to based on your experience. Once you feel comfortable that you understand your surroundings, then focus can narrow safely. Then again, some things just cut through that focus, regardless.

Here’s to a week free of those annoying little distractions for all of us.

Cultivate Your Inner Two-Year-Old

Personal Growth, Work Life January 10, 2014 Leave a comment

I don’t think that this post will interest people who like to have a steady, few task oriented occupation. I was thinking the other day that 2 year olds have it right to be so inquisitive. The world is more interesting when you want to learn more about the things around you – how they work, why they are the way that they are.

Going farther back, I had a revelation about colic as I tried to soothe my sons when they were babies. And suddenly I saw the world as they saw it and while my realization didn’t ease my own exhaustion and wish that they would just stop crying, it did give me empathy to continue my quest to bring them peace. The revelation was just this – there is a tremendous amount of stimulation around us every waking moment of every day, lights, sounds, movement, touch and our senses are bombarded, we have learned how to process it all to the point that we are nearly unaware of how much stimulation is around. But to a baby it is all new and disorienting.

By the age of 2, we can filter through the familiar stimuli and get drawn to anything new that tickles our senses. We explore this new thing with delight and share this pleasure with anyone who might be around. Who can’t help but be charmed?

Somewhere along the line, the curiosity and delight in new things dries up for many of us. New things might start to mean more to do, or harder to understand, or any number of unpleasant associations. Sadly.

I won’t deny that much of this reasoning can be true, but we miss out on new things that could be good by this wholesale shutting down. I was thinking the other day about one of my least favorite responses to the cheerful good morning that I offer around the office, which is ‘what’s good about it?’. I’ve gone to the effort to fire up my cheer and get a snarl in return?

Well, here is my hard-won answer to that question – the possibility. I’m breezing through my own apprehensions and morning grumpy to cultivate my inner two-year-old. There is possibility for something interesting, potentially delightful just ahead. And I don’t want to miss it because I filtered it out. If I channel this inner curiosity, I might just make more opportunities for myself at work by expanding my knowledge of the how and why of my work place. What do you think?

Procrastinating Resolution Planning

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life January 3, 2014 1 Comment

Do you make New Year Resolutions? Do you plan them, or are they usually spur of the moment ideas? Do you make the same one every year? Do you make progress on it? Sorry, I don’t mean to seem like I am grilling – you have someone in your life for that, I have no doubt. I am merely curious, really.

public domain image

I remember in my childhood that we spent plenty of time at the dinner table talking about New Year Resolutions this time of year. My mom would be captured by the idea of renewal and self-improvement on a mass scale for the first few weeks of each year and want to get us involved. I don’t remember any of the actual resolutions that any of us made, of course. The resolutions themselves were rather secondary to the intrigue of so many people embarking on new plans at the same time.

This was of course long before today’s media fascination, or should I say obsession, with Resolutions. Maybe the media has just picked up on mom’s drum beat.

Dad was the list maker, and the head down, plow forward, get your chores done before fun kind of person. He didn’t want to talk about getting things done, he wanted to get to it. I’m pretty sure he mostly just listened to these conversations about resolutions.

I stopped making resolutions when I started to realize the repetitiveness involved and how few resolutions are actually acted upon. I had a friend resolve last year to sparkle – I do hope that she came through on that one. And I have a couple of other friends who have made big changes like healthier lifestyles and I admire their success.

It isn’t that I don’t have any need to improve aspects of my life, just that I don’t use resolutions to create progress on those fronts. I have plenty of room for improvement. I regularly resolve to keep on top of things, particularly finding ways to get myself to do the ones that I don’t like. I just don’t do it around New Year with a capital R.

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Identifying Connections

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life December 27, 2013 Leave a comment

When I am fully alert, aware and focused in my current moment (instead of running through the constant lists in my head of what should be done, and where else I must go, etc.) I remind myself to look for connections and not distinctions between myself and the people around me. There are plenty of things that separate us from all the people around us, even those who should be closest. We often tend to focus on these differences.

We have more similarities with all of other people on this Earth than we recognize, sometimes we have to look deeper and sometimes just think more simply. We could be worlds apart ideologically, but both appreciate a hug or a kind word when we are hurting, say. And back before we were quite so global, sociologists did studies that nearly all people named facial expressions of basic emotions the same – sadness, anger, happiness and such.

Closer to home, and having just celebrated Christmas, the connection between my almost 24 year old son and his 6 year old cousin makes me smile. Other than being part of the same family and both male, they have very little context that aligns on the surface. But they have a mutual interest in Legos. And since my son was willing to pull out a few boxes containing a portion of the million Legos that he owns to sit with his cousin for a couple of hours they have found other things that they can talk about together and enjoy.

I don’t know you and all the joys and challenges that you encounter, but I imagine that we could quickly find some means to bond if we started to talk. We don’t have to be friends forever, or even ever see each other again to have a moment of connection.

That Snap into Place Feeling

Personal Growth, Work Life December 20, 2013 Leave a comment

Legos go together with a satisfying snap. Lids on containers of all shapes and sizes are snuggly in place when they snap. Locks are set when we here that snick, and doors shut tight with a click. Now we know that at least that particular item is secure. There is plenty of unknown only feet away, so giving ourselves any kind of assurance of safety is paramount.

If only the right decision would offer the same satisfying snap when we land upon it. Particularly with the big scary decisions that we sometimes have to make with little information or time to contemplate. Have that surgery, go for the short sale or ride the foreclosure, change careers or stay the course, time to put dad in the nursing home? All of the options have down sides and leave us feeling slightly ill – no snap involved.

Every once in a great while a decision will come with an immediate snap, reinforcement that it was just the right decision for us for that moment, for that situation. Because if we take the same option the next time, it doesn’t always turn out so well. What the??? Crap, I thought that was The right decision – as in my go-to from here on out. The moment was no longer right, some alignment was different and no snap resulted.

The initial evaluations, weighing of options are tough enough. Did we apply the right parameters, ask the right questions to get a clear understanding? But then the re-evaluation starts with the smallest opening of doubt. ‘I didn’t think about this, consider that point, take into account for this other…’ If only I’d gotten that snap, or known it was coming, then I would have kept looking for a better option.

I always thought that part of being an adult would be a strong ability to make solid decisions. Ha. The adults around me seemed to know what they were doing, to be making decisions with snap in them because they didn’t let me see the machinations and ruminations that went into the decisions not because they had a perfect sense on how to make good decisions.

I’m going to keep searching for a snappy decision making method, in the meantime I’m going to snap together some Legos.

Twas the Week Before Christmas (Redux)

Random thoughts, Work Life December 18, 2013 Leave a comment

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the work-place,

Creatures were hurrying, scurrying and running the rat race.

“I have to get done, have vacation to take –

Off to Grandma’s, the in-laws or maybe the lake!”

Now I was just watching quietly from my cube

Hoping to get out at lunch at take my car for a lube

Christmas carol melodies floating through my head

While on my computer, emails I read, read, read

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,

I looked over the wall to see what was the matter –

A vision of senior management all dressed like St Nick

Ho Ho’ing and marching down the aisle right quick!

A parade of employees trailing in their wake,

Everyone heading to the boardroom, a feast to partake

Deciding my car would have to take care of itself,

I jumped up and followed the nearest old elf!

(With thanks and apologies to Clement Moore)

(First posted 12/19/12 on my original blog, Practical Business | Reasonable Expectations – does it make it a ritual with one repeat?)

Front and Center, Through it All

Personal Growth, Work Life December 9, 2013 Comments: 2

I love parades and try to devote at least a part of my Thanksgiving morning to watching the parades even as I have become an adult responsible for getting the big feast cooking. Parade watching on TV is a cherished part of my Thanksgiving rituals. But I have noticed a change, rather at some point the way that parades are broadcast was changed and I am now aware of this result.

Parade_float_in_Gatton,_possibly_to_celebrate_peace_after_World_War_I

photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

In my childhood, the cameras focused on the floats and parade participants, the announcers providing their chatter as backdrop and occasionally coming in to view to announce a commercial break. These days, a person is lucky to catch a glimpse of parade participants over the shoulder of the announcers as the camera focuses incessantly upon them as they bring in a continuous parade of minor celebrities and periodically mention the bothersome parade that is happening behind them.

This got me thinking about the spotlight. Some people like to be right in the center of the glow, some can come and go, some enjoy the periphery and others want to be far off in the other direction. Life is best when there is a variety of types, all sorting to their preferred spot.

The thing is, though, that sometimes that spotlight should swing off the person who wants to be front and center and sometimes it should illuminate that person who prefers to exist in obscurity. Sometimes a team, an ensemble, a band, a cast should be in that light together. Hundreds of people must come together to pull off a successful parade. It is a display, an event that deserves attention. Even the people who take a support role want the result of their effort to be experienced by as many viewers as possible.

I find myself moving around in my chair as if I were actual standing on the side of the street and if I adjust I might be able to see the actual main event, the parade, around the obstruction of the announcers. Yes, I understand that these announcers are pleased with the spotlight, but this isn’t their turn. It is the turn of the hundreds of people who started planning this parade the moment last year’s parade ended. Possibly before.

I am frustrated that I hardly saw a moment of the parade that I turned on the TV to see, but this has really opened my eyes to all the small moments that happen every day – the things that don’t get noticed. I want to keep this revelation front and center, to acknowledge efforts large and small.

Revisiting a Question

Personal Growth, Work Life December 6, 2013 Leave a comment

We back away, brush our hands off and think, ‘whew, that’s done now on to the next thing’ – problem solved, to-do checked off the list. File it away. Next. But what if it isn’t? What if in a few weeks, or months, or even years something happens to make us have to go through it all again; possibly even come to a different conclusion?

The medical community has revamped the protocols for cholesterol and statin use and that seems to have knocked people for a loop. That question was resolved, we all thought anyway. But life is cyclical, we learn new things on some other topic and the ripple effect can alter the decisions that seemed set in stone just a short while before.

“That is the one thing that I’ve learned, that it is possible to really understand things at certain points, and not be able to retain them, to be in utter confusion just a short while later. I used to think that once you really knew a thing, its truth would shine forever.”

~ Lucy Grealy

It seems a bit like Lucy and I aren’t coming at this issue in quite the same way, but I think that we really are. Where she mentions retain, it might be about keeping the knowledge fresh in our own memory, but it could also mean keeping it solid in light of new information or experiences. Almost anything that we think we know is based almost entirely upon the context in which we know it. If the context changes, our understanding of the thing can be thrown into confusion.

It might seem as though we are moving backward in revisiting a question, but if we are looking at it with fresh eyes and understanding then it is actually a good thing. When the elements that went into the original answer have changed, then the nature of the question and the basis of the solution might be wholly different.

It isn’t a retread at all then, but a deepening and broadening of understanding.

List Making, Priorities & Holiday Shopping

Personal Growth, Work Life December 4, 2013 Leave a comment

Simple. Easy. There are things waiting to be done so you get out your favorite list making method and write them down. Then you prioritize them, bang through them and the day is done with much accomplished. Sure. Why are there whole books written about getting stuff done then? And articles in nearly every December issue of magazines about making the holidays light, bright and cheery without getting buried in your to-dos?

I’ve been thinking about planning on the personal side of that work-life balance since I wrote my last post. And because it is the holiday season and Black Friday highlights are showing the usual frenzies of shoppers clicking through their lists and getting in each other’s way. I’ve participated all of once in the Black Friday melee and found it to be a thoroughly frustrating not to be repeated experience. Whatever prompts these people to see the excess of shopping hassles as a priority is beyond me.

I understand the thrill of the chase, and I definitely get the joy of a deal. Maybe it defies my sensibilities because we don’t tend to buy each other electronics in my family. When I do buy them, it is after research on the best product and based more on reliability and features than price. And most of these door busters seem to be electronics. Too, I don’t like to get up early on a day off, nor am I fond of being cold. Shopping is meant to be leisurely when I’m buying gifts. A return to my teen days of browsing and considering, unlike errand running which is map it, get it, and move on. I want to think about the person that I’m shopping for, not look over my shoulder for a potential kamikaze attack.

Back when I had more time, I would get out my baking implements in mid-November and pull out my cookie recipes. I would add to a growing pile of cookies and quick breads in my freezer each week until mid-December when they would all come out and I would box them up as presents for extended family. (My boys fearful that I wouldn’t save enough for them to munch.) Hundreds of cookies, about a dozen different kinds. My back and knees are happy that is not my routine anymore, but the rest of me misses it – and so do many family members. I hope to be able to return to days when cookie baking can get back on my priority list for the holidays. I’ll get one of those cushioned mats for my back, knees and feet.

If I had to explain how I make my holiday priorities, it would be to pick out the things that mean holiday to me – ways to be closer to friends and family, to feel joy. I love Christmas cards, festive packages, all of the carols. Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward all.