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Thanksgiving 2017

Random thoughts November 20, 2017 Leave a comment

Suddenly the weather’s turned blustery and cold

Leaves that were just green say ‘Gosh, I feel old’!

They shrivel up, blow and slowly flutter –

They fall here and there, they clog up the gutter.

Thanksgiving is hours away – defrost the turkey,

Pull out the Pilgrims, traditional and quirky.

Gather the far-flung family, yes, even those who can be rather jerky.

Circle them ‘round though this year’s been full of chaos, fear and discord

(At least we know no one should claim to be bored)

This is the best time to put some thought into gratitude –

Genuine thankfulness – enough with the platitudes!

There certainly is a long list of recent strife

And maybe Aunt Sarah shouldn’t talk to Uncle Bob when he has the carving knife

But now is the moment we should take to say thanks for the good in our life.

A Hearty and Heartfelt Wish for a Plentiful and Happy Thanksgiving to All!!

Niceties and Curiosities

Random thoughts March 10, 2015 Comments: 2

“Beauty gives you peace, wherever you encounter it in the world.”

~Jens Jensen

A variety of events, occasions and articles have formulated into this post. I am in the midst of binge watching season 5 of Downton Abbey before it is no longer streaming on PBS.org, I read an article that 5/3 bank commissioned a study of our impatience as part of their new marketing campaign (we are a terribly impatient crowd), and I have stumbled back upon these unrelated quotations that I am using in this post and they helped my disparate thoughts to gel. Plus other bits of mental flotsam and jetsam.

Downton is set in a time that was more mannered than our own, not a time that was simpler (though we like to imagine that past times were simpler than our own, because we crave simplicity), but also a time when there were stricter class distinctions. Courtesy ruled interactions, decorum was de rigueur, and while class might have locked you in place it also told you where you stood.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

~Mother Teresa

When the societal changes after WWI started to gather strength, somehow courtesy was weakened with the loosening of class structure. We have lamented the increasing lack of common courtesy for a very long time, it seems. But still niceties can be more like curiosities these days. Since solutions have to start somewhere, I work to stay conscious of my own level of courtesy. There are times when strangers are almost amazed when I have held a door for them. Not just pleased or thankful, but stunned from complacency.

public domain image

My local grocery chain is running a promotion right now that I am not participating in, though I have gotten dishes and cookware from past promotions. When I’m asked if I am participating, I check with the person behind me in line and if they are I say that I am and give them the tokens. It is a little thing, but it makes us both feel good. I have been the beneficiary of such gestures in those past promotions.

These are tiny little connections with my fellow humans that I only wish could be more frequent. Sometimes I am too deep in a reverie and I miss opportunities, which is unfortunate. Perhaps a part of our general impatience is just the fact that we have too many interactions with others that are lacking in any connection. Sometimes the opposite happens, I walk into the store frustrated and out of sorts at the end of a long day and by that simple act of sharing those tokens and making eye contact I walk out feeling better about the world.

Waiting Patiently, Part 2

Random thoughts August 12, 2014 Leave a comment

Patience – endurance, fortitude, perseverance, persistence, forbearance, resignation… Do any of us have enough of this trait in any given moment of our days? I like this definition: ‘an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay’. Ah, a willingness to suppress – this implies that, if I want to, I can nurture this trait in myself.

Curiosity doesn’t have much patience with obstacles – it wants to know, and it wants to know right now. Or wants to be or have or feel or experience… Right now.

Having children requires a person to cultivate patience, Herculean patience in the face of unexplainable infant fury. Empathy for their misery led me finally to patience. It was my job to use my curiosity to understanding their needs and meet them if I could. And soothe if I couldn’t. Soothing requires patience. Which comes in handy when the endless questions come, then the pushing of boundaries…

Gardening requires patience. Plants grow even more slowly than children, but thankfully don’t have hours-long crying jags or want to know why. I have one houseplant that I bought back in 1986 that is still going. (My former mother-in-law even revived it from the mild frost-bite it got on a cross country trip.) What will thrive, or make-do, or perish? Why? Patience is necessary to get these answers.

In our vegetable gardening this year, we are watching the tomatoes form and we are full of questions. Impatient questions – how will they taste, when will they be ready? Patient questions will get us there – how much sun, how much water?

Diligence is part of the definition of patience. This one I understood from childhood on – because of its importance to structure and process and ritual. Curiosity can’t really be sated without some understanding and application of methodology. Where would I fit the new information if I didn’t have a means to categorize it in with the information that I already possess? Diligence comes in handy to retain the information or experience that curiosity prompted.

Timing is an important component. We bought the tomato plants in May, already a couple of inches tall, knowing that tomatoes wouldn’t actually be ready until sometime in August. Now that it is August, the patience is wearing a little thin. The ability and willingness to suppress our restlessness for our homegrown tomatoes is getting harder to apply. But more crucial to a successful outcome.

There are so many places and instances where I can apply this patience I have learned, am learning. At work, while driving, in line, when I’m out of sorts…

Waiting Patiently, Part 1

Random thoughts August 5, 2014 Leave a comment

We decided to try our hands at a bit of vegetable and herb gardening again this year after a several year hiatus. We just got a few things and put them in pots because I still haven’t settled on a ‘landscape design’ for the back yard. (There is the one in my dreams that includes a 3 season room/conservatory, a patio, a beautiful new fence and award winning plantings…) The last time I tried to raise a tomato plant I put it on the west side of the house and it got burnt and spindly and we managed to reap a single tomato from the poor thing before it became compost.

I think that I’ve learned a bit since then. We’ll see if I have learned enough. Now our tomato plants live on the south side of the house and are currently full of promise – about 18 tomatoes are developing between the two plants. We also have peppers, mint and oregano. We had basil, but a random wind burst blew a chair onto it and now it is in the process of dying.

We are already realizing that the herb books we possess have gaps – like when and how to harvest. Perhaps the writer assumes we know this part… In which case he or she is wrong.

I am enamored of the idea of gardening – decorative and produce. I have a stack of gardening books that I look at and reference periodically, some practical and some fanciful. Reading about our founding father’s deep interest in gardening, as gentlemen gardeners I realized that is around my level. I want to talk about it, think about it, enjoy it and just occasionally do the heavy parts. Plant something here, pull a weed there, rely upon thick layers of mulch to prevent weeds and help retain moisture. Unfortunately I don’t have the financial resources to pull off this sort of gardening.

Watering is a Zen activity that falls happily in my version of gardening. Some days the plants have to wait patiently while I participate in other activities and interests, though.

Gardening is perfectly suited to the acquisition of knowledge – it is forgiving of novice mistakes if you start slowly and allow for changes in plans. Gardening is helping me to practice the patience that I have mostly lacked in other parts and earlier stages of my life.

You’ll have to excuse me now, I feel the need to go take a tour through the yard.

There Will Be Exasperation

Random thoughts August 1, 2014 Leave a comment

I’ve just sat down and gotten comfortable, so of course the dog now wants to go out. This is exasperating.

Picking up one too many things to put back in their proper place, so everything slides and clangs and rolls away on the floor. This is exasperating.

Dropping one of my earrings as I walk out of my room and put them on at the same time because I am already pressed for time. This is exasperating.

Going just a little too long between meals, trying to do that one more thing when tired, being unable to stretch just that tiny touch more to grab something needed when constrained – these are exasperating.

Being unable to retrieve the word that I want, or remember the association that would fit well into a conversation, or find that mosquito that buzzes in my ear when the lights are off and I am just about asleep. Exasperating.

Having someone bring in dirty dishes just as I finish up in the kitchen. Grrr. Having the phone ring a couple of minutes before the end of the work day. REALLY??

Vexing, infuriating, aggravating, inflammatory things happen every day, plenty of times per day to rankle each and every one of us.

Thankfully there is also laughter and beauty and kindness. The dog wags her tail and smiles at me when I grumblingly go over to let her out and shortly thereafter let her back in.

I don’t have any interest in spending my hours feeling indignant much of the time. I can remind myself to eat in a timely manner to stave off those blood sugar dips that result in a foul mood.

It’s a mind game that I can play better some days than others. How about you?

Maturity Doesn’t Preclude Enthusiasm

Random thoughts June 27, 2014 Comments: 2

My son’s dog likes to remind me that there is always a place for enthusiasm. We think of her as a puppy, but we recently noticed the gray coming in on her chin which is supposed to be a sign of maturity. When she likes something or someone, she really likes them and everyone knows it. And she likes a lot of things.

I enjoy a walk around the neighborhood to get fresh air, exercise and ideas from other people’s gardens. (And it is a good time to think.) I let her come with me. (I do not take her for walks, let me be clear. Because she is not my dog.) She knows she is only allowed to go if she behaves herself. She must start by waiting calmly while I put on my shoes. Far enough away that I can get my shoes on without conking her in the head with my foot when I raise and lower it. Or trying to give me kisses when I bend down to get my shoe. Then she is supposed to calmly let me put on her harness without licking me. Then she is supposed to go calmly to the door and wait to the side while I go out first. Lastly she is supposed to wait calmly while I shut the door.

But she just really likes to go for walks and she wants to make certain that I know how happy it makes her that I am preparing for a walk. Even if this delays the start of the walk while she gets hold of herself.

It is good to have a constant reminder that life is better when you have things that make you feel all wiggly. There is plenty on the mature side of life that draws the enthusiasm right out of a person. It should just help us to enjoy things more, but for too many people these things seems to mean the preclusion of enthusiasm entirely. I think maybe I should send them on a walk with my son’s dog. She’d love to go.

Staying Calm

Random thoughts, Work Life June 24, 2014 Leave a comment

Someone went in the basement of a government office in England a couple of years ago and found themselves a gold mine by unearthing a WWII slogan, “Keep Calm and Carry On”. With my tagline on my old blog being Reasonable Expectations, which is along the same vein, you probably believe that I find the phrase has plenty of merit. And I do believe in the sentiment. (I almost bought a plaque myself when I first saw one in a catalog because it is a pithy and practical mantra.)

Google search of keep calm and…

But ever since I was told the first time as a child in a tizzy about some long forgotten irritation to ‘calm down’ I have thought that is the most useless phrase in the English language. In the history of the world the number of people who have actually calmed down just based on being told to do so might be legitimately calculated at one. In my experience, both personal and observed, it is more likely to be equated to waving a red flag in front of a bull.

But, since chronologically we are all adults, we do need to temper our tempers. We are civilized after all, aren’t we? Therefore we must find a means within ourselves to defuse any mounting irritation, frustration, anger, or rage before it gets the better of us. Before we get into full tantrum mode. And there is plenty to be frustrated about – businesses seem to create rules for the specific purpose of frustrating their customers. Or, knowing a particular time of day is a high volume time there will only be 2 cashiers with a long row of empty checkout stations and a longer row of people who have somewhere else to be.

Anyway, back to defusing frustration. Reminding myself to breathe is a good mantra – have you ever noticed that your breath is shallow and rapid which makes your pulse get shallow and rapid? And your shoulders head north toward your ears? I can’t make the store bring out some more cashiers, but I can make myself breathe more deeply and shake out my shoulders until they are back where they belong. And try not to listen while the man behind me tells the woman he is with to calm down.

Lazy Days of Summer?

Random thoughts June 3, 2014 Comments: 2

I regularly read Mary Schmich’s column in the Chicago Tribune and one of her frequent themes is to remind herself and all readers as well to enjoy these brief summer days. Despite a hefty work schedule that no longer breaks for the summer months. It is so easy as we dash from air conditioned house to air conditioned car to air conditioned office to air conditioned store to air conditioned house to completely miss summer. But we really earned this summer after the winter we just had.

summer is getting ready to burst open like this peony

I have been watching all of the plants come out of their dormancy, unfurling their leaves and sending out new shoots. I enjoy the return of the leaf canopy on the streets that I normally drive (except my own which has been devastated by the Emerald Ash Borer, where all the trees sadly await a saw.) I take in the changes of plantings as the dog and I walk our usual routes.

It is my intention to choose the patio option more often this summer when out with friends or family and enjoy the breeze, the rustling in the trees and the play of light. (And try to stay in the shade.) I’ve already managed to do this twice, which is a good start. When meeting up with friends, I hope we pick outdoor options more – open air concerts are offered by several entities as one choice.

I need to dig out some of Mary’s old columns that I have kept to check for some of her suggestions. I remember one had something to do with a stack of notecards, one for every summer day, and as the day ended she would jot down a summer-specific activity that she accomplished that day and move the card to a new pile. As summer progressed the pile of blank cards shrank and the filled cards grew. It is a nice visual way not to let the days of summer slip past unknowingly.

How will you enjoy a lazy day or two or three of summer?

Loving What You Do

Random thoughts, Work Life May 2, 2014 Comments: 2

We are told in so many ways to choose to do something that we love to make our living. It has become almost a cliché.

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.”

~ George Burns

Is finding work that you love one of our modern myths? It certainly can be tremendously helpful to feel positive about your work because we spend a great deal of our time working. But plenty of people have found a way to be capable at work that is probably just a means to an end.

A garden is a work of love. Hopefully these plants come back this year.

Is it possible to excel at something that you hate enough to be successful doing it? I’ve noticed in myself and those around me that we usually stay where we feel valued and we think that we can provide value to others. That doesn’t mix with deep dislike in my book.

My first job was babysitting. A pretty standard method of earning money for a girl back in the day – not as much now, I think. It helped that I was the oldest girl on a block with plenty of kids. I had a great career for a few years until the opportunities kind of drifted away as the kids got older and I got involved in high school activities. I did love to babysit. I miss spending time with kids.

Next I got into food service. It was a relatively easy job to get without much experience, but not one that I was particularly good at because I just wanted to earn some money. I also did not fit in particularly. But food service jobs were available so I got one after another for a period of time.

A lot about the jobs that you get has to do with expediency, not love. I probably would have been better suited to general office work but I had no clue how to obtain such a job.

Along the line, I took a brief stab at retail work in a small shop that sold natural remedies. I do have an interest in the holistic approach and in natural remedies plus it didn’t hurt that a friend already worked there. I’d tried to get retail jobs back before I got my first food service job, but no one was interested in a person without experience. It was a means to earn some money while my life was in flux.

Eventually I got an office job. I was a single mother in need of steady income and regular hours – so, highly determined that an office was a good choice. That determination looked like confidence, which I had sorely lacked in my early forays into the working world.

I didn’t love office work, I loved my boys and wanted to find balance. I wasn’t doing what I loved, but I did learn to love what I did because I found plenty of things to spark my curiosity.

Love what you do, do what you love, love why you work, love what you can do because you work to support yourself – there are plenty of options, I think.

An Accomplished Grumbler

Random thoughts April 23, 2014 Leave a comment

In our house, growing up, we learned early on that whining, wheedling and grumbling got you banished. Who wanted to be banished? We kept our grumbling to ourselves when we just couldn’t help but indulge in it. (Especially when dad was around, he ‘would give us something to grumble about’!) I did my best to instill this same message in my boys that grumbling wasn’t an effective method of getting what you want.

My son’s dog grumbles. (Hrumphf, hmmrrr, rrrmmm, sigh) It is hilarious as long as she only does it occasionally. And only hilarious because she is a dog. I never knew that animals wheedled before.

What isn’t hilarious is the percentage of the adult population who didn’t get the same message that children got in my family – that grumbling isn’t effective in getting your point across. There are an amazing number of grown people who must have had their childish grumbling validated and have carried this annoying trait into adult life. Who have become accomplished grumblers.

What does grumbling cost the grumbler? Why were we banished when we got in that mode as kids? My mom was a Pollyanna type – amazingly positive and sunny. (Not sickeningly, perky cheerleader so.) One of the ways that she stayed that way was to focus on positive activities, which grumbling is decidedly not. Grumbling is gloomy and low energy and draining. It sucks you in rather than drawing you closer and you can’t wait to get some distance.

I try really hard not to laugh out loud when the dog does her grumbling thing. She is a clown and I don’t want her to think this is a good method to get what she wants. I don’t want her to be added to the list of accomplished grumblers.