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Accumulating Small Triumphs

Personal Growth, Work Life October 21, 2013 Comments: 4

Big wins are fabulous, splashy feel good moments, but give me a succession of small wins any week and I’ll take that option every time. Don’t get me wrong, I am not averse to big wins – indeed, bring one on, I could use it. The thing is that the excitement and joy fade away into the everyday and then you are left with a nice photo.

We like to see our lives as a progression forward and toward something better. The big wins then should give us a jump to a higher plain where we will then stay and continue to progress upward from that point. But the truth is usually that the big win is a spike and then we come back to where we were previously and continue our progression after the interruption.

I haven’t even gotten into the other side of things, those difficulties – both large and small – that impede this progress. I’ve mentioned before that over my life I have tended more toward the melancholy so these difficulties always loomed larger than any triumph in my perception. Except in these last few years. The difficulties are still there but I have consciously changed my perception. (As I began to write this post in my head, my computer refused to start properly on the first try and I had to force a shut down all the while afraid that I would lose details of the idea with the delay.)

Look at what people accomplished without all of our modern machinery!
1875 August Menken
photo credit: Wikipedia commons

If triumphs and difficulties left some sort of mark, sort of like the graphs in black and red that show earnings up or down of the center line, as we look back objectively at our lives these would probably be pretty even. But in perception, I have found that if I make an effort to be aware of the small triumphs and give a moment of thanks then everything gets colored differently – and better.

We had many difficulties and challenges in the office last week but we ended on a small triumph which made it all worthwhile.

And Repeat Until Retirement

Personal Growth, Work Life October 4, 2013 Leave a comment

Sometimes a post idea comes to me and I struggle for a title. Sometimes I manage to come up with an idea and a title together. And sometimes I just get a title. Today, I was thinking along the lines of repetitive tasks – there is a world of lather, rinse, repeat beyond shampoo – and this title popped in.

It seems as though we think, as children, that we will put thought into what we want to be; get the appropriate training in our early adult years; get the appropriate job for that training at a good company; achieve regular gains in pay and work load based on experience; and retire at the right time. Ding, work life recipe complete. And perhaps that did work for a chunk of the population for a space of time. (I hear tell that the Millennials have different ideas of a career – do share.)

We do need to have a balance of the expected – certainty – to go along with all of the variables – marry or not, and who? Where to live? Children? And somehow our working segment seems a reasonable portion to place our hopes for regular, certain, blissful sameness. We can handle life’s changes when we know there will be familiar expectations here and there.

While I have been aware of this sort of assembly line progression of career, I have taken a different tack. I understand why this notion can appeal. Just for fun, I make lists of all the bits and pieces of life that we are supposed to keep up on and it is eye-popping. Also, not feasible – something must go on auto-process. Something has to be chosen to fend for itself. Benign neglect.

I am not suggesting that people don’t take pride in their work, don’t want to be valued. Not at all, just that there isn’t a necessarily a conscious review of current status versus a planned trajectory. The focus is on the set of regular tasks. It is expected that completion of tasks will carry up to keep on that trajectory until retirement.

Does this work out? Yes, for some. Certainly it has led to a rude awakening for others. So the question comes down to deciding whether it is working for you – is your current activity meeting your expectations? If so, repeat until retirement, with occasional re-verification.

Change of Season

Random thoughts October 2, 2013 Comments: 8

In my early twenties I lived in a couple different places in California for a few years – they have cool summer and warm summer and not much else. Rainy season and drier season. I thought that I would enjoy the no winter part, but found instead that I dearly missed spring and fall.

I have spent the majority of my life in the Midwest where we have all four seasons – though to varying degrees. (I liked living in the mild winter parts the best, but then the summers are a bit more intense – no such thing as perfect.) I’m not a winter person, though there is something to be said for being out on a cold crisp winter night. I can get my winter fix from photographs and movies. Summer has its benefits, but a bit too hot for my taste.

And it wasn’t until my California experience that I realized the importance of spring and autumn for me. That is where it is at – the world wakes up and comes back to showy noisy life in spring, and offers a final burst of color and crunch before slumbering in the fall. I can put up with the inconvenience of winter to enjoy these seasons. (Of course, if I could find a means to migrate like the birds every year I wouldn’t turn that down.)

I get a bit wistful in the fall, don’t you? Each season seems to have a predominant sentiment associated with it which gives us the opportunity to change our thinking with the change in season. I’m sure there are contrarians out there who have a very different response. I start out with my usual thoughts on all of the summer activities that once again I did not partake. The days were long and invited the thought that I had plenty of time, take it easy.

Suddenly the days are getting shorter and there is a hint of crisp in the air. The geese are honking in formation over my house, but the windows are still open to let in the warm breeze. Ah – woulda, shoulda, coulda got me again. But, not in all ways – I have learned a little something – I do have a short list of summer activities I did accomplish.

I’m going to make a point not to get too wistful in my posts in the coming weeks – help keep me honest, will you, let me know if you think that I do. Plaintive is good – in rotation with other viewpoints.

What is your favorite season, and why?

Mental Reset Via Road Trip

Personal Growth, Work Life September 23, 2013 Leave a comment

My parents were raised in the same medium sized Midwestern city, but moved away to follow my dad’s job early in their marriage. This meant that from a small age, I was used to getting in the car for a drive to see extended family. Being in the car meant dad driving, always. Mom variously would start games with us, get us to sing rounds, read or sleep. There came to be a rhythm of family interaction and personal introspection that I found pleasant.

Ever since being on my own, I have sought out a road trip or two each year because of this thought rhythm. New sights outside the car window can be triggers for new thoughts and ideas. (And blog posts.)

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

~ Isaac Asimov

Just like the country in general, my life has been churning a lot of change in the past year or so and a road trip was just what I needed to think, adjust and let the light in. I am back from a very quick trip to an area that I called home for several years. It is a small town, county seat, in a rural setting. It gave me a chance to think while on the road, and to get a bit of green therapy in places that we used to go hiking.

Even if your life has been same old same old, it is helpful to figure out a way to scrub off your assumptions and there is nothing like a change of scenery to do it.

I have this conversation with myself during almost every road trip – this is the time that I will make a point to not be so stuck on getting to my destination, but stop at some of the local places that post signs along the road. I know that it is important to expand my perception once in a while. On the way home I did just this, and reminded myself that it was fun as I was grumbling about pulling into my garage so late at the end of the trip.

How do you give yourself a mental reset once in awhile?

Go For It and Carry a Hello Kitty™ Lunchbox

Personal Growth, Work Life, Writing September 20, 2013 Leave a comment

There is a constant yin-yang between wanting to fit in and expressing individuality. We somehow think that we will leave this behind when we cross the threshold to adulthood and finally be comfortable, but find soon enough – drat it all – that this balance is a life-long pursuit in our personal and professional lives. And balance is probably not the best word because how few of us ever feel that we have found just the right weighting of each element? (Or even in those sweet moments that we do, how quickly something changes again.)

We progress through life attempting to figure out how to fit in within ourselves and also within various groups. Do I? Should I? How was that? Validation is sweet. Small set-backs in one area can ripple through our impression of placement in other areas painfully and quickly. Seismic moments of uncertainty can make us want to jump in bed, pull the covers up and figure out how to be a hermit.

I have been able to find my way through life, so far, in a manner that has allowed me to sample many geographic areas, various groups – formal and informal, and provided latitude to explore different ideas. I have soared and I have stumbled, mostly plodded along at a fairly steady pace. It has helped that my mom shared her infinite curiosity and my dad shared his determination. These traits have served me well and stand in place of confidence and assuredness when necessary, plus make room for all sorts of adjustments here and there.

About that Hello Kitty™ lunchbox – I am drawn to her calm, serene thoroughly pleased countenance. But I was too old when she first came into popularity because she was marketed to girls several years younger than me. Purportedly then, I was much too old when she came back to prominence a few years ago. But a funny thing had happened in the years between. I got comfortable enough with my sense of self that I could indulge in the whimsy that Hello Kitty™ offered, despite my advanced age.

When I received said lunchbox as a gift my practical side said, this will be more useful and less wasteful than paper bags; and my creative self said, what a great thing to give me a smile every day. I was firmly on the leadership track at work by then, but I have never believed that professionalism leaves no room for personal – even quirky – expression. I am possibly in the minority in this belief.

People from senior management down to entry level didn’t quite know how to react to my new possession. Even the person who gave it to me might have been surprised that I used it at work. (I never asked and she never said.) Some people tried to make me feel embarrassed about carrying such a ‘childish’ item into an office. ‘About that lunchbox of yours’ they would start and I would jump in, ‘doesn’t she just brighten up your day?’. They didn’t know where to go after that.

I carried that lunchbox for about 6ish years. Until she was looking a bit worn and tired. Another friend gave me a new bag, also with personality, but this time more ‘grown-up’. The Hello Kitty™ lunchbox was retired. But she is still in my heart, rooting for self-expression.

What Virtue in Acceptance?

Personal Growth, Work Life September 19, 2013 Leave a comment

Pick your battles, my mom used to say. She was referencing child rearing, but it applies in other aspects of life just as well, certainly at work. She was right about the child rearing part that is for sure; I wish that I had done a few early things differently. But I learned, and I started to apply this thought to many things.

How do you decide what to welcome, or accept?

Virtue doesn’t seem to be a popular word or idea these days. And yet there is virtue in having virtue since it is a good or admirable quality or property.

We have all heard of the Serenity Prayer, and there is definite power to accepting the things that we cannot change when including the wisdom for knowing what those things might be. Then again, we should thank our lucky stars for the people who challenge conventional wisdom now and again about the things that we cannot change. Sometimes we can, collectively, have a go at these things. Tipping at windmills in groups has been known to affect change when it seemed acceptance was virtuous. One person’s belief that they can affect change can spread.

Yet acceptance can be calming when applied to things that we cannot change, that are outside of our control. The virtue comes in saving our energy for affecting change where we do have control. In questioning the wisdom of everything, not accepting, we become malcontents. Monday starts your work week and insists upon rolling around every week? Acceptance of this inevitability is calming. A rule no longer has basis in reality after the latest round of changes, tip at that windmill.

Do you see virtue in acceptance?

In Our Circles

Job Search, Personal Growth, Work Life September 16, 2013 Leave a comment

Growing up, The Carol Burnett Show was part of prime family time each week, bits and pieces of the skits becoming part of our family vocabulary and identifying points. Madeline Kahn was a frequent guest on the show and one of her skits where she played a pretentious acting coach for Eunice was a favorite for us. Something that Madeline says repeatedly in this skit, ‘in our circles, in our circles, in our circles’ became part of our family sayings.

Madeline Kahn publicity shot

Madeline Kahn was spoofing Method Acting concepts for great hilarity, but this phrase has come to represent both an effort to center myself and a way to be aware of my comfort zones. Even when firmly in our comfort zones, we can still need to center ourselves at times. And we really need to be aware of how to center ourselves when we are outside of our comfort zones.

Madeline Kahn had this wonderfully rich, theatrical voice and I can still see her now – head slightly tilted forward, eyes closed and hands circling around as she chanted, ‘in our circles, in our circles, in our circles’. (Carol Burnett as Eunice lapping it all up and imitating every action.) This is a great example of how humor can impact us well beyond the stress-relieving immediate laughter.

Remaining centered is a supreme act all in itself most of the time. Things, events, people are all working quite hard, and seemingly deliberately, to push us off center. Out of our circle.

Our comfort zones can hold us back from progress – at work, in relationships – because the next thing that we need is beyond the perimeter of comfort. Out of our circle.

Some people have a fairly easy time adjusting to unfamiliar and making it part of their comfort zone and others really struggle. Of course capability to adjust can be affected by how much the new thing is wanted, needed or liked – except for people that really can’t deal with change.

Full disclosure – I am actually writing this one for myself because my comfort zones are shifting and I needed to remind myself that it’s ok. I thought it might be a message that would resonate for others as well, so I’m sharing.

In our circles, in our circles, in our growing shifting circles.