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Loose Ends & Cross Purposes

Random thoughts March 14, 2014 Leave a comment

Perhaps it is because the world is in transition from one season to another. At least, oh please, I hope that it is finally starting into the transition from winter to spring. The birds seem to think that it is because more and more of them are returning each day. I feel like the dot, dot, dot that trails along the end of a sentence when the speaker isn’t sure where the ending happens to be.

I feel at loose ends.

According to dictionary.com we humans have been at loose ends since the mid-1500s or so. Oh dear. At least we are in good company when we don’t quite know what to do with ourselves next. If we are tying up our loose ends, it appears to have something to do with getting our ropes in order on a sailing ship. This makes plenty of sense, one doesn’t want ropes just lying about on a ship. One trip and you could go overboard.

photo is from publicdomainpictures.net

I am also at cross purposes.

We humans haven’t been at cross purposes nearly as long as at loose ends according to merriam-webster.com – since 1668 to put a fairly fine point on it. (Looking up cross purposes is also in the bottom 30% on this site so maybe we can stir up some interest?) It seems to me that we have probably been at cross purposes as long as people have interacted. We just didn’t use this particular term for it.

But I am not at cross purposes with another person. I am, as the seasons are, in a bit of a brain muddling transition. Dangling this loosely and crossing that. Maybe I should start, but first I should finish… I want to do this, but it isn’t ready yet. I can’t do winter anymore, and yet I must.

Transitions are confusing. This seasonal transition from winter to spring makes me cross.

Patterns, Collections & Repetition

Random thoughts, Work Life March 12, 2014 Comments: 2

What is it about a certain thing that makes us want more? It makes sense that we want to categorize things, like solving a puzzle by snapping the pieces into place, we know what we need to go and find based on the items that surround the missing piece. But most of us want to create combinations of things that are pleasing. Either by shape, size, color, texture, sound, usefulness – what have you.

Patterns can also tell us when something goes wrong and help us to figure out how to set it right again. When one customer tells a company that they are having a problem with a product, it might be assumed that it was an anomaly but when the same complaint comes up again and again then the company better get busy on that pattern.

I used to watch my mom sew clothes when I was little. There was a pattern to her whole effort; deciding what was going to be made, going to the fabric store to pick out all the needed items – which included the pattern to make the piece of clothing – preparing and cutting and then finally sewing. Some of the pattern pieces made sense right away – you could see it was going to be a sleeve or other recognizable part. But some of the pattern pieces looked quite random, they only made sense when combined with other pieces.

Collections can be useful or informative, say tools, or aesthetically pleasing. My dad had quite a few tools, some had been his father’s before him. The hand tools were made to last, worn smooth by years of use. My grandfather’s power tools were a bit scary since they were produced long before safety features had come into being. Belts and other moving parts were all open and ready to snag a finger or worse, not hidden behind plates and covers as they are now.

I think that I am in the majority in finding comfort in my collections and something soothing in repetition.

Chasing a Thought

Random thoughts, Work Life March 10, 2014 Leave a comment

I was driving a distance recently, which gives me plenty of thinking time. I brought my little recorder with me to capture any ideas for blog posts. And then, in the moment, I told myself that this one is so good I am bound to remember it. Ha.

I knew better. I really, really did. I would be well off if I had a dollar for every time in the past I wound up wanting to kick myself for not making some note about an idea worth pursuing later. Now I’m just sitting here trying to draw the right memory back out and not get tangled in the regret of what I should have done.

There is no excuse, the recorder was inches from me, easily accessible.

Sometimes I wonder if we do this to ourselves on purpose, set ourselves up in small ways to get tangled in foolish regrets? To prove the old saying that ‘to err is human’, to keep ourselves vigilant when the bigger opportunities come along – what do you think, I’m just spinning here?

Now I am left chasing the idea of a thought. Trying to play word association – sounded like, what CD was I playing… Not even a hint at the moment. Maybe I can get it back by pushing the quest to the back of my mind. I often get solutions that way, if I can distract myself with something else. I know that pushing too hard to remember something just pushes that something farther out of reach.

It feels like this happens to me all too often. I can be in one room and think of a couple of things that we need at the store and by the time I get to the kitchen where I keep the list, the things that came to mind have kept on going. So I find myself chanting them with every step.

How about you, what thought did you recently misplace?

The 7 10 Split

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life March 7, 2014 Comments: 3

The pins are as far apart as they can be and still be on the same lane. It is still your turn, and mathematically speaking you can pick up this spare. But it takes skill, calm and a confluence of several factors. Bowling as life lesson, not just beer swilling league fun.

public domain clip art

I bet if you start to think about it, you will remember one and then another and another instance when you had two elements that were supposed to be working together or part of a larger whole in some way that were far apart and working independently to inhibit the larger goal. (Passively, as in the case with the pins, or less so.) There are ways to get these elements back into the larger plan, but it could take cunning – at the very least it will take time and effort on your part to figure out a solution and implement it.

I bowled on leagues on and off for years and I’ve been involved in volunteer groups, training sessions and plenty of office situations and only just this morning had the realization that there are parallels in these set ups. From a higher level strategic point of view, there are similarities in the solutions. I, or you, have to figure out the trajectory that will bring the elements together and keep the game going. Now in life we probably don’t want to violently knock one element into or against the other – particularly since quite often these elements will be people. Co-workers, vendors, colleagues, partners.

Sometimes the straightforward, ‘hey where are you at with your part of this project’, approach works like a charm. Sometimes a bit of cajoling and sometimes it is a grueling game of inching the parties closer together. It can be an endurance test for us, a question of keeping up our energy and resolve – keeping our eyes on the intended end. Mentally testing out different solutions for alignment and success.

Then stepping up to the lane, ball in hand, squaring our shoulders, positioning our feet, eyes set on the pins at the other end. Stride up, swing the ball and let it go.

Determined, Stubborn, Obstinate

Random thoughts, Work Life March 5, 2014 Leave a comment

I’ve been called all of these things. I think sometimes it was meant to be unflattering at best. I remember one conversation when I was told that I am rigid and I said if the word disciplined were inserted instead, I would accept the charge. The accusation was wielded by someone who had a more unstructured method of approaching life than I.

Determined I accept and include in my own self-definition. It is a trait that I am proud to claim, one that I cultivate on more hesitant days, in uncertain moments. Figuring out how to call it up in moments of need is almost like discovering a super power. I picture determination like a muscle – we must all have it – but as we who are over a certain age have found, muscles must be regularly activated or they go soft. (But there are always exercises to revive them.)

Stubborn can come in handy and I have been known to warn a potential adversary that I practice stubborn quite well. I have to really believe in the cause and you had better have a really compelling argument for your position. Compromise is an acceptable end. But then again, I might just be reformulating my points that I conceded for now for another run later. I do understand that stubborn should be applied in small doses, or it can turn into this next word.

photo credit: Wikipedia

Obstinate, hmm. This one has been leveled mostly by people whose most compelling argument is ‘because’. Obstinate means “characterized by inflexible persistence or an unyielding attitude” (per http://dictionary.reference.com/). I don’t see any point in obstinacy, unless a person has no interest in learning new things. Of course, I mentioned above that stubborn can become intractable and turn into obstinacy – no for the sake of no. If I know that I am right then I imagine that can appear obstinate to my opposite.

Being determined is a good thing when tempered with an openness to new information.

Weekend Hours

Random thoughts, Work Life March 3, 2014 Leave a comment

Why, oh why do the hours of our weekends seem to dissolve so quickly into the past, depositing us once again on the cusp of Monday with so little to show for the weekend just ending? There are the regular tasks – provisioning the household takes constant effort it seems – and the periodic tasks with a bit of time allowed for leisure of some sort.

If I were to list all of the things that I have done over the two days I probably would be pleased, I had productive time; why do I feel like it just wasn’t enough? I have the constant nagging feeling that I am not making the best use of my weekend hours. Do you? Have that feeling, or are you better than I at making the best use of these two days?

Public clocks to keep us on track. (photo credit: Big Ben from Wikimedia Commons)

It wasn’t that long ago that the work week norm was considered to be 6 days with one day set aside for rest. How did they get to everything? How did they ever get the mental down time to recharge? And these days there are plenty of people who juggle 2 or more part time jobs to make ends meet – I imagine their time off is measured in hours and not days. With sleep claiming a good chunk.

Childhood weekends were filled with large boring chunks of time when the default activity became TV, with only a handful of channels to choose from to find something of interest. (If you weren’t one for sports, it was slim pickings.) I lived in suburbia which meant if I hadn’t planned my reading properly, I couldn’t get myself to the library for a refill on new books. Chores were handed out and easily completed unless we balked for some childish reason or another. A trip to the store with mom could be an interesting diversion or torture. One store had baskets set up in a way that one of us could ride underneath and the world became curious from that perspective – but it wasn’t always my turn to ride.

Now weekends seem to often be an endless round of moving undone to-do items from an old scribbled on list to a fresh list, with the hope that the item won’t have to be moved onto future lists too. Sometimes, but not often enough, I am good at planning in a little fun experience or two. This puts a squeeze on my necessary tasks, but is usually worth it from a mental energy perspective.

Well, it’s Monday again with one weekend behind and another looming in the near distance. Time to think work week thoughts.

An Acceptable Level of Chaos

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life February 26, 2014 Leave a comment

The known and the unknown. Order and its opposite – disorder, mess, chaos. The traditional dramatic struggle is between good and evil, but every day life’s struggle is in the intersection between order and control or varying levels of chaos. Even people who aren’t drawn to structure, who are comfortable in ambiguity, need some touch points of order – normalcy.

Whether we actively and consciously understand our own needs for order, or we lash out in unease caused by too much chaos too close, every one of us has an acceptable level of chaos. When we can still mostly function, beyond which we get bogged down.

The Course of Empire Thomas Cole, 1836 – public domain image

Somehow I learned fairly early on that I could create some of the structure that I need to feel comfortable in my environment. I am thankful for this since it has greatly helped me to navigate my life. I know immediately that when anxiety starts to build that I should take a breather, mentally take stock in all that is going on around me and identify a few simple things that I can straighten out. I know that to press on will be foolish – and yet sometimes I press on.

Even knowing the level of order that I prefer, having such an interest in problem solving as I do, I am finding that the level of complexity in our modern life – the amount of oversight and active monitoring that is necessary on my part to get an acceptable level of service from the companies and people that I interact with – is exhausting. I can’t begin to imagine how people who have a much stronger need for order, or people who find standing up for themselves a challenge, manage these interactions.

I didn’t mean to sound stilted in this post, but I am trying to wrap my head around a solution to this encroaching chaos. It feels too close lately, in too many areas of my life. Naming it is the first step to a solution. Finding joy, or having a laugh will reduce the anxiety while I continue to sort through. Finding some easy wins will give me a little boost of energy to press on.

How are you managing your chaos?

Breaking the Escalation Pattern

Random thoughts February 19, 2014 Leave a comment

How many times do we see the news or hear about a situation when we think how did it get to that point? Why didn’t someone intervene, somehow put a stop to it?

When to step in? How to step in? Who should step in?

I don’t remember how old my boys were when I started to talk to them about the part they could play in keeping things from escalating to a point where there is a loss of control and something unfortunate results. Somewhere in their grade school years, long before their brains would mature enough to develop impulse control. (Of course, age doesn’t always correlate to impulse control.)

public domain image

The calmest among us still has a trigger or two – perhaps one or both of the universal triggers, hunger and lack of sleep. The calmest people are less likely to be set off by their very calm nature, do they also better understand how to take action to keep their surroundings more serene? Or how best to respond to chaotic surroundings to keep themselves serene?

We are under constant bombardment from outside forces – bills, relationship pressures, the world around us – which can keep us at a low simmer. Add in one more aggravation and it might make a volatile mix. What do we each do to understand our own simmer, our own triggers; what do we each do to counteract or prevent our triggers from being tripped?

Diffusing a volatile situation takes some skill, but helping ourselves, a friend or a family member to ease down their simmer is a much simpler and more pleasant task. Breaking the escalation pattern early, before it even has a chance to start, is sometimes as simple as getting a meal with a friend, sharing a laugh or offering a hug.

Different isn’t Deficient

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life February 17, 2014 Comments: 2

When I was learning to drive, no one said that your foot had to always be on a pedal – either the gas or the brake. Maybe my dad actually said coasting bought me some time to think about the right way to handle an oncoming situation and maybe I figured it out as I gained experience. I don’t exactly recall. But I did teach my boys that you can coast sometimes.

Similarly, somewhere along the line I realized that there are more categories than right and wrong. I don’t have to put something or someone into a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ category when they are different from my own understanding of the world and I need time to think about how I think about them. So things and people that I don’t readily understand go into the different area for further evaluation.

Different isn’t a good or a bad thing, it isn’t more than or lesser than what I do feel confident that I understand. It isn’t deficient. It is just different – different than what is familiar to me, sometimes just slightly so and sometimes radically so.

they all hold liquid to quench thirst…

I can grow to understand different. I can learn from it. If I decided that it was wrong because I didn’t understand it, then I could never hope to understand it and learning from it would be a much more difficult proposition.

My son who loves to cook asked me to give onions, specially prepared by him, a try even though he knew that I’ve disliked onions all my life. He just wanted me to move a category of onions, ones that he has prepared into the different area. I resisted. He persisted and now sometimes I eat onions. They haven’t moved into the ‘right’ category exactly, but I eat them and even allow that they add to the overall flavor of a dish.

There are things that should not go into ‘different’ – people or situations that make you less than you should be, or make you feel uncomfortable, in danger. Anything that really belongs in the ‘wrong’ space. Different isn’t meant to remove this option. Just to provide an option for an unknown that deserves an opportunity to prove it’s worth.

I think of times when I was quick to judge and came out wrong because I didn’t take some things into account. I remember a story of a long road trip, a broken gas line and some questionable looking teens who made sure that my mom and sister got home safely despite my mom judging them initially on their appearance.

Do you have a ‘different’ category where you set things aside for further consideration?

Directionless Progress

Random thoughts, Work Life February 14, 2014 Leave a comment

Let’s face it, sometimes it really isn’t clear what our next step should be – in our career or in life. We can ask friends, coworkers and family for assistance or suggestions and we will get varying opinions and conjecture but it is up to us to create the direction. Since we expect life to be ever advancing and improving we put a lot of import on making the right decision about direction.

Maybe it is our years in school that give us this impression of life as continuing advancement. We have to learn the basics to build on with later, more specialized classes – calculus won’t make sense until we know the fundamentals of math. Each grade builds on the information gained in previous grades, and school goes on and on for what feels like forever. But life doesn’t really work this way, so in that respect school hasn’t prepared us at all.

If only it were as simple as a video game where the arrows show up ahead as you drive to tell you the next stage of your route. Instead we have to explore, experiment and experience occasional false starts. Or seem to stay in place while the world moves forward without our active participation.

If we don’t have clear direction, can we really make progress? If we decide to change direction does that negate everything that we did toward our old progress? Who is to say that all of us are meant to click into a certain track in our early twenties and follow it through thirty odd years of a career without any pause or deviation?

I haven’t taken anywhere near a traditional path (assuming traditional is that set 30 year career track). I think that I’ve done all right with my progress despite some meandering directions – mainly because I have learned so much along the way. In fact, since learning has been a main goal, I could say that I really didn’t meander in my direction in that respect.

How do you define progress for yourself?