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Distractions of the Insidious Kind

Work Life January 13, 2014 Comments: 2

There is a printer that has seen better days that sits about 30 feet from my desk and thankfully it is turned off most of the time. Because when it is on those of us who sit near are driven to distraction by the scritching and scratching of its old rollers, the low squeal as its moving parts grind. All other thoughts flee from my head to be replaced by ‘that is ridiculously annoying’.

Even though an office is full of all sorts of sounds on a regular basis – phones ringing, talking, people moving about – this sort of maddening sound is along the same lines as the smoke detector that decides to start chirping its low battery message in the quiet of a sleeping house at 2am. Anything else that might have been in your head is immediately abandoned and this distraction takes over.

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One person’s mind-centering soothing sounds are nails on a chalkboard to another. And then there are the visual distractions as well that tease your eyes away from your screen or the person that you are talking to. Evolution has taught us that we need to develop a healthy balance between intense focus and awareness of our surroundings. But once I identify that annoying distraction, Evolution, why can’t I go back to my intense focus? If someone is playing a song that I know and don’t like, why does it get stuck in my head for hours afterward?

Other times, once I get settled into a groove, I can work away at a thing in a busy and public place like a coffee shop without any difficulty. Intense focus comes through for me. Distractions are no match. What’s the difference? Hard to say.

I think that in part it comes down to what you can adjust to based on your experience. Once you feel comfortable that you understand your surroundings, then focus can narrow safely. Then again, some things just cut through that focus, regardless.

Here’s to a week free of those annoying little distractions for all of us.

Catching Up, Keeping Up, Staying Ahead of Things

Random thoughts January 8, 2014 Comments: 2

A New Year starts a fresh calendar, but the slate isn’t wiped entirely clean. There is much that gets carried over, all of the open tasks on your lists – wherever you keep them. And snow. We are having a much snowier winter than last year here in the Midwest and perhaps even snowier than average.

Whatever you thought you might do on a given day, show removal gets added in – almost every day of this New Year. This also means adding in longer travel times, altered routes, changes in plans. Instead of ticking something off of the endless lists, snow might mean moving it back days or weeks so that it lurks undone instead of smartly checked off. Harder to catch up, keep up or stay ahead.

In our house this year, it is my son who is taking point on snow removal here and for an older neighbor. He is both happy to help her out and weary that it has been so frequent. Snow and cold make me want to hibernate. I am happy to live in modern times with central heating, wicking fabrics, and the internet.

But home isn’t entirely solace and a cozy den from the cold. I have once again neglected to pour treatments down the drain regularly so that the main drain that is meant to efficiently and silently whisk used water from our house is calling attention to itself. I haven’t ever had this problem with any previous house so I can’t help but wonder if there is a design flaw in this particular drain layout – an awkward spot that narrows too quickly or bends too sharply and allows for difficulties if not given regular attention.

A few years ago, at great expense, I discovered that collusion between the long ago builder and some housing inspector allowed for the brilliant installation of heavy coated cardboard – called Orangeburg pipe, I believe – as the piping which connected all the houses in my neighborhood to the city sewer. Not surprisingly, this pipe fails to stand the test of time. The pipe for my house had lasted amazingly well, the house being in its 40^th decade. Lucky me, I was the lottery winner with a prize to pay out and new pipe to dig and lay out. With the bonus of a messed up front lawn for a year as things settled and grass reestablished itself.

Sometimes I feel like a maintenance person with a push broom. Push this personal thing along, push that household thing along, push this professional thing along. Go back to the beginning and start again. Replace the broom with a shovel and push that snow out of the way.

As thankful as I am for modern conveniences, is it an illusion that life was simpler and therefore easier to keep up with things in past generations?

Getting to ‘Normal’

Random thoughts January 6, 2014 Leave a comment

I usually keep Christmas décor up until on or about January 6^th, so now I am in the process of taking it down. Getting back to ‘normal’. In our house this often means this pile up of Christmas that you see in the picture. Almost every piece tells a story – of the person who gave it to me, or the shopping trip when I found it, or a family member no longer with us. Sometimes I need an interim period before I’m ready to pack everything away until next year.

The rest of the house looks a bit spare and bare now stripped back to its standard decorations. Normal. Not festive.

Outside the snow blows and looks bleak. Normal January. No green except tiny spots of evergreens waiting under snow mounds.

I used to briskly put away Christmas items in one fell swoop, the boys would leave for school a day or two after winter break ended seeing Christmas and come home to regular, every day house. Festive to normal in a few frenzied hours. Now I put out less of our Christmas bounty and take much longer to bring myself to store it.

I think more about what normal means. All of its definitions and connotations. How normal shifts all of the time, even while we think it is safe and steady. Normal is sturdy, utilitarian – without sparkle – background expected to support effectively without attention or effort. Certainly not expected to crack, break or suddenly alter to something unfamiliar.

Here in Illinois, Normal is actually a place on the map that you can visit or live if you choose. For a little while The New Normal was a show that we could all watch on TV, though I don’t think that it lasted. ‘You’re not normal’ probably still shoots around schools as an effective epithet, meant to lance an offender, real or imagined, to the quick.

How do you feel about normal?

Procrastinating Resolution Planning

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life January 3, 2014 1 Comment

Do you make New Year Resolutions? Do you plan them, or are they usually spur of the moment ideas? Do you make the same one every year? Do you make progress on it? Sorry, I don’t mean to seem like I am grilling – you have someone in your life for that, I have no doubt. I am merely curious, really.

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I remember in my childhood that we spent plenty of time at the dinner table talking about New Year Resolutions this time of year. My mom would be captured by the idea of renewal and self-improvement on a mass scale for the first few weeks of each year and want to get us involved. I don’t remember any of the actual resolutions that any of us made, of course. The resolutions themselves were rather secondary to the intrigue of so many people embarking on new plans at the same time.

This was of course long before today’s media fascination, or should I say obsession, with Resolutions. Maybe the media has just picked up on mom’s drum beat.

Dad was the list maker, and the head down, plow forward, get your chores done before fun kind of person. He didn’t want to talk about getting things done, he wanted to get to it. I’m pretty sure he mostly just listened to these conversations about resolutions.

I stopped making resolutions when I started to realize the repetitiveness involved and how few resolutions are actually acted upon. I had a friend resolve last year to sparkle – I do hope that she came through on that one. And I have a couple of other friends who have made big changes like healthier lifestyles and I admire their success.

It isn’t that I don’t have any need to improve aspects of my life, just that I don’t use resolutions to create progress on those fronts. I have plenty of room for improvement. I regularly resolve to keep on top of things, particularly finding ways to get myself to do the ones that I don’t like. I just don’t do it around New Year with a capital R.

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Short Term Planning

Random thoughts December 30, 2013 Leave a comment

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I know this is the time of year to hatch grand ideas, named Resolutions, not a time to be thinking small. Well, the fellow who normally cuts my hair was stricken with pneumonia right before Christmas and my haircut appointment and while I do hope that he is ok, this leaves me with a shaggy dilemma.

I can’t remember the last time that I felt truly pleased about my hair – the style, the color – and I am the kind of person who only pays marginal attention to any sort of style. I do understand that appearance it important because it is part of people’s perception of a person. And I can appreciate when someone else looks well put together, I just have a hard time figuring out how they managed the effect.

Anyway, my need to resolve my overgrown locks has me thinking about short term planning at this almost New Year stage. It often seems as if we just do whatever is in front of us. Get it done, move to the next thing, get it done, move to the next thing. Periodically check the list, if you keep one, to make sure things aren’t missed.

My sister, brother, sister-in-law and I went to the grocery store the weekend before Christmas. Life has been a bit hectic so while we had made plans to be together for the holiday, those plans hadn’t gotten specific enough to cover little things like food. We put together a menu plan before we got in the car and only my sister thought to write it all down. She had a handful of lists, actually, including general things that she needed for her household since she was hosting.

It was fun to go to the store together, despite the number of other shoppers. It was out of the norm, and I couldn’t help but remember back on our childhood shopping trips plus other shared shopping experiences over the years that occurred during other family gathering times. But it was haphazard with different members of our team wandering off in search of this or that and only my sister keeping track of the items that had made it onto our list.

We had quite tasty meals, with shared cooking responsibilities and shared clean up, too. Perhaps it would have benefitted from more rigorous pre-planning – it certainly helped that we have had enough previous family gatherings that parts could be done without much discussion. It would probably have been rather a disaster for a group of unfamiliar people.

I’m going to keep thinking about short term planning while I find someplace to get a haircut. I’d love to know your thoughts on planning – short, long, or resolution type.

Identifying Connections

Personal Growth, Random thoughts, Work Life December 27, 2013 Leave a comment

When I am fully alert, aware and focused in my current moment (instead of running through the constant lists in my head of what should be done, and where else I must go, etc.) I remind myself to look for connections and not distinctions between myself and the people around me. There are plenty of things that separate us from all the people around us, even those who should be closest. We often tend to focus on these differences.

We have more similarities with all of other people on this Earth than we recognize, sometimes we have to look deeper and sometimes just think more simply. We could be worlds apart ideologically, but both appreciate a hug or a kind word when we are hurting, say. And back before we were quite so global, sociologists did studies that nearly all people named facial expressions of basic emotions the same – sadness, anger, happiness and such.

Closer to home, and having just celebrated Christmas, the connection between my almost 24 year old son and his 6 year old cousin makes me smile. Other than being part of the same family and both male, they have very little context that aligns on the surface. But they have a mutual interest in Legos. And since my son was willing to pull out a few boxes containing a portion of the million Legos that he owns to sit with his cousin for a couple of hours they have found other things that they can talk about together and enjoy.

I don’t know you and all the joys and challenges that you encounter, but I imagine that we could quickly find some means to bond if we started to talk. We don’t have to be friends forever, or even ever see each other again to have a moment of connection.

That Moment before the Moment

Random thoughts December 23, 2013 Leave a comment

Christmas is hours away, ready or not. This is the moment for the deep breath, the step back, the last survey of status. Time for a last minute tweak here, an addition there, perhaps small changes in one or two things. And then enjoy what rolls out. Whatever it might be.

I used to be one of those people who melted into tears when the slightest thing started to go awry from how I had pictured. (Now granted perfection is something that you reform from endlessly – there is no such thing as a reformed perfectionist.) Oddly, it was my wedding that taught me the alternate beauty in planning and then letting the event unfold as it would. The stories are in the unplanned moments. Even the mishaps.

Right now I am working my way through my least favorite part of the holiday – wrapping gifts. You’re with me on this, yes? Even with favorite Christmas carols as back drop, exasperation is ready to pounce. Once I struggle through to the end, I also know that I will have that feeling of dismay at the small array of gifts after weeks and hours of careful effort. Every year it seems as if the resulting pile doesn’t quite match the time and thought I put in.

This moment before the big moment happens all the time – before an interview, a big dinner, a presentation, a date, a party… We shouldn’t miss this chance to review, but neither should we use it for recriminations, or to build fear. We have done what we could – this time – and can make note of improvements for next time. Then breathe. And enjoy.

I hope that you have many moments to enjoy over this holiday season.

That Snap into Place Feeling

Personal Growth, Work Life December 20, 2013 Leave a comment

Legos go together with a satisfying snap. Lids on containers of all shapes and sizes are snuggly in place when they snap. Locks are set when we here that snick, and doors shut tight with a click. Now we know that at least that particular item is secure. There is plenty of unknown only feet away, so giving ourselves any kind of assurance of safety is paramount.

If only the right decision would offer the same satisfying snap when we land upon it. Particularly with the big scary decisions that we sometimes have to make with little information or time to contemplate. Have that surgery, go for the short sale or ride the foreclosure, change careers or stay the course, time to put dad in the nursing home? All of the options have down sides and leave us feeling slightly ill – no snap involved.

Every once in a great while a decision will come with an immediate snap, reinforcement that it was just the right decision for us for that moment, for that situation. Because if we take the same option the next time, it doesn’t always turn out so well. What the??? Crap, I thought that was The right decision – as in my go-to from here on out. The moment was no longer right, some alignment was different and no snap resulted.

The initial evaluations, weighing of options are tough enough. Did we apply the right parameters, ask the right questions to get a clear understanding? But then the re-evaluation starts with the smallest opening of doubt. ‘I didn’t think about this, consider that point, take into account for this other…’ If only I’d gotten that snap, or known it was coming, then I would have kept looking for a better option.

I always thought that part of being an adult would be a strong ability to make solid decisions. Ha. The adults around me seemed to know what they were doing, to be making decisions with snap in them because they didn’t let me see the machinations and ruminations that went into the decisions not because they had a perfect sense on how to make good decisions.

I’m going to keep searching for a snappy decision making method, in the meantime I’m going to snap together some Legos.

The Quality of Sound

Random thoughts December 16, 2013 1 Comment

It looks as though we may be in for a cold and snowy winter season. I’m sure that some of you are smiling and cheering but I am equally sure that there are plenty in my camp of winter endurers. I believe that I have mentioned before some of the litany of why I am not a fan of winter – there is the cold, the snow, the slush, the cold, salt everywhere, exponentially bad driving and the cold. Did I mention the cold? I am also worn down by the monochromatic vistas – wonderfully dotted with Christmas decorations for the next couple of weeks.

But I digress. There is one thing about winter that pleases me, which I rediscover every year. This thing that quietly delights me is the quality of the sound when there is a blanket of snow on the ground. The snow brings a silence that is very welcome in this time of electronic beeps, dings, trills, buzzes, and tweets. Nature has many methods of redirecting our attention to joys it has to offer.

Looking for a means to soothe your hectic pre-Christmas day, go out into your backyard for a few minutes to commune with the quality of sound. Softer sounds are muffled as the snow acts as natural baffles and round out many noises. Sharp sounds crack, shattering the brittle cold air but are quickly replaced with that enveloping silence.

To get the full effect it is best to get to a park or nature preserve or any tract which is populated more by trees than the constructs of humans, but it isn’t entirely necessary. Especially after dark. Your backyard will do nicely. If you haven’t taken the time to experience the way that snow changes sounds since childhood, I suggest that it is high time that you do so.

The crunch as you break through the crust of the snow, the sound of your own breath, the rustle of small animals, and the creaks and cracks of trees shifting under the weight of the snow. These are the little gifts of winter.

Boosting that Mood

Random thoughts December 13, 2013 Leave a comment

(I admit to updating this post from last year, see my recent post on the busy season as my excuse.)

Memories of Christmases past

This is the happiest, most joyful time of the year. Or it is supposed to be, so I thought it appropriate to remember that regardless of evidence to the contrary, there is always joy to be found. I learned this from my mom who was the most perennially positive person I have ever known. Personally, I tend to melancholy, but having been raised within the realm of her spirit of joy, I am now the most upbeat melancholic you will ever meet.

Mom sang – whether to express actual joy or to bring it when it was flagging. She would just burst into a specific song, ring out a few notes, or hum. She would also ‘throng’ (her word) upon the piano. I find myself doing the same, usually making up nonsense verses based on known songs. This is because I discovered as I moved farther into adulthood that the singing was like a talisman against negativity.

Singing is my ritual. Not, that I am any good – but that isn’t the point.

There is a power to ritual that we modern people seem to have forgotten. We leave rituals inside the place of worship for the most part and we shouldn’t. Rituals are soothing and can focus or refocus the mind to a more positive bent in the midst of a hectic day. The one ritual I can think of outside of religion is the making and drinking of tea. What rituals do you follow?

“Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence.”

~Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

Rut is the ugly side of rituals; these are bad habits that we get into that encourage negative feelings for the most part. We should all take care to root ruts out of our days by replacing them with simple rituals that will refocus our minds to the potential good things going on.

6 Happiness Tools from What Happy People Know:

Appreciation
Choice
Personal Power
Leading with your Strengths
The Power of Language & Stories
Multidimensional Living

Dan Baker, PhD. & Cameron Stauth

I hope you discover some joyful rituals in the coming days. And if you hear someone humming down the aisle from you in the store, it might be me so give that person a smile as you pass.