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Distractions of the Insidious Kind

Work Life January 13, 2014 Comments: 2

There is a printer that has seen better days that sits about 30 feet from my desk and thankfully it is turned off most of the time. Because when it is on those of us who sit near are driven to distraction by the scritching and scratching of its old rollers, the low squeal as its moving parts grind. All other thoughts flee from my head to be replaced by ‘that is ridiculously annoying’.

Even though an office is full of all sorts of sounds on a regular basis – phones ringing, talking, people moving about – this sort of maddening sound is along the same lines as the smoke detector that decides to start chirping its low battery message in the quiet of a sleeping house at 2am. Anything else that might have been in your head is immediately abandoned and this distraction takes over.

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One person’s mind-centering soothing sounds are nails on a chalkboard to another. And then there are the visual distractions as well that tease your eyes away from your screen or the person that you are talking to. Evolution has taught us that we need to develop a healthy balance between intense focus and awareness of our surroundings. But once I identify that annoying distraction, Evolution, why can’t I go back to my intense focus? If someone is playing a song that I know and don’t like, why does it get stuck in my head for hours afterward?

Other times, once I get settled into a groove, I can work away at a thing in a busy and public place like a coffee shop without any difficulty. Intense focus comes through for me. Distractions are no match. What’s the difference? Hard to say.

I think that in part it comes down to what you can adjust to based on your experience. Once you feel comfortable that you understand your surroundings, then focus can narrow safely. Then again, some things just cut through that focus, regardless.

Here’s to a week free of those annoying little distractions for all of us.

Getting to ‘Normal’

Random thoughts January 6, 2014 Leave a comment

I usually keep Christmas décor up until on or about January 6^th, so now I am in the process of taking it down. Getting back to ‘normal’. In our house this often means this pile up of Christmas that you see in the picture. Almost every piece tells a story – of the person who gave it to me, or the shopping trip when I found it, or a family member no longer with us. Sometimes I need an interim period before I’m ready to pack everything away until next year.

The rest of the house looks a bit spare and bare now stripped back to its standard decorations. Normal. Not festive.

Outside the snow blows and looks bleak. Normal January. No green except tiny spots of evergreens waiting under snow mounds.

I used to briskly put away Christmas items in one fell swoop, the boys would leave for school a day or two after winter break ended seeing Christmas and come home to regular, every day house. Festive to normal in a few frenzied hours. Now I put out less of our Christmas bounty and take much longer to bring myself to store it.

I think more about what normal means. All of its definitions and connotations. How normal shifts all of the time, even while we think it is safe and steady. Normal is sturdy, utilitarian – without sparkle – background expected to support effectively without attention or effort. Certainly not expected to crack, break or suddenly alter to something unfamiliar.

Here in Illinois, Normal is actually a place on the map that you can visit or live if you choose. For a little while The New Normal was a show that we could all watch on TV, though I don’t think that it lasted. ‘You’re not normal’ probably still shoots around schools as an effective epithet, meant to lance an offender, real or imagined, to the quick.

How do you feel about normal?

Short Term Planning

Random thoughts December 30, 2013 Leave a comment

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I know this is the time of year to hatch grand ideas, named Resolutions, not a time to be thinking small. Well, the fellow who normally cuts my hair was stricken with pneumonia right before Christmas and my haircut appointment and while I do hope that he is ok, this leaves me with a shaggy dilemma.

I can’t remember the last time that I felt truly pleased about my hair – the style, the color – and I am the kind of person who only pays marginal attention to any sort of style. I do understand that appearance it important because it is part of people’s perception of a person. And I can appreciate when someone else looks well put together, I just have a hard time figuring out how they managed the effect.

Anyway, my need to resolve my overgrown locks has me thinking about short term planning at this almost New Year stage. It often seems as if we just do whatever is in front of us. Get it done, move to the next thing, get it done, move to the next thing. Periodically check the list, if you keep one, to make sure things aren’t missed.

My sister, brother, sister-in-law and I went to the grocery store the weekend before Christmas. Life has been a bit hectic so while we had made plans to be together for the holiday, those plans hadn’t gotten specific enough to cover little things like food. We put together a menu plan before we got in the car and only my sister thought to write it all down. She had a handful of lists, actually, including general things that she needed for her household since she was hosting.

It was fun to go to the store together, despite the number of other shoppers. It was out of the norm, and I couldn’t help but remember back on our childhood shopping trips plus other shared shopping experiences over the years that occurred during other family gathering times. But it was haphazard with different members of our team wandering off in search of this or that and only my sister keeping track of the items that had made it onto our list.

We had quite tasty meals, with shared cooking responsibilities and shared clean up, too. Perhaps it would have benefitted from more rigorous pre-planning – it certainly helped that we have had enough previous family gatherings that parts could be done without much discussion. It would probably have been rather a disaster for a group of unfamiliar people.

I’m going to keep thinking about short term planning while I find someplace to get a haircut. I’d love to know your thoughts on planning – short, long, or resolution type.

That Moment before the Moment

Random thoughts December 23, 2013 Leave a comment

Christmas is hours away, ready or not. This is the moment for the deep breath, the step back, the last survey of status. Time for a last minute tweak here, an addition there, perhaps small changes in one or two things. And then enjoy what rolls out. Whatever it might be.

I used to be one of those people who melted into tears when the slightest thing started to go awry from how I had pictured. (Now granted perfection is something that you reform from endlessly – there is no such thing as a reformed perfectionist.) Oddly, it was my wedding that taught me the alternate beauty in planning and then letting the event unfold as it would. The stories are in the unplanned moments. Even the mishaps.

Right now I am working my way through my least favorite part of the holiday – wrapping gifts. You’re with me on this, yes? Even with favorite Christmas carols as back drop, exasperation is ready to pounce. Once I struggle through to the end, I also know that I will have that feeling of dismay at the small array of gifts after weeks and hours of careful effort. Every year it seems as if the resulting pile doesn’t quite match the time and thought I put in.

This moment before the big moment happens all the time – before an interview, a big dinner, a presentation, a date, a party… We shouldn’t miss this chance to review, but neither should we use it for recriminations, or to build fear. We have done what we could – this time – and can make note of improvements for next time. Then breathe. And enjoy.

I hope that you have many moments to enjoy over this holiday season.

That Snap into Place Feeling

Personal Growth, Work Life December 20, 2013 Leave a comment

Legos go together with a satisfying snap. Lids on containers of all shapes and sizes are snuggly in place when they snap. Locks are set when we here that snick, and doors shut tight with a click. Now we know that at least that particular item is secure. There is plenty of unknown only feet away, so giving ourselves any kind of assurance of safety is paramount.

If only the right decision would offer the same satisfying snap when we land upon it. Particularly with the big scary decisions that we sometimes have to make with little information or time to contemplate. Have that surgery, go for the short sale or ride the foreclosure, change careers or stay the course, time to put dad in the nursing home? All of the options have down sides and leave us feeling slightly ill – no snap involved.

Every once in a great while a decision will come with an immediate snap, reinforcement that it was just the right decision for us for that moment, for that situation. Because if we take the same option the next time, it doesn’t always turn out so well. What the??? Crap, I thought that was The right decision – as in my go-to from here on out. The moment was no longer right, some alignment was different and no snap resulted.

The initial evaluations, weighing of options are tough enough. Did we apply the right parameters, ask the right questions to get a clear understanding? But then the re-evaluation starts with the smallest opening of doubt. ‘I didn’t think about this, consider that point, take into account for this other…’ If only I’d gotten that snap, or known it was coming, then I would have kept looking for a better option.

I always thought that part of being an adult would be a strong ability to make solid decisions. Ha. The adults around me seemed to know what they were doing, to be making decisions with snap in them because they didn’t let me see the machinations and ruminations that went into the decisions not because they had a perfect sense on how to make good decisions.

I’m going to keep searching for a snappy decision making method, in the meantime I’m going to snap together some Legos.

The Quality of Sound

Random thoughts December 16, 2013 1 Comment

It looks as though we may be in for a cold and snowy winter season. I’m sure that some of you are smiling and cheering but I am equally sure that there are plenty in my camp of winter endurers. I believe that I have mentioned before some of the litany of why I am not a fan of winter – there is the cold, the snow, the slush, the cold, salt everywhere, exponentially bad driving and the cold. Did I mention the cold? I am also worn down by the monochromatic vistas – wonderfully dotted with Christmas decorations for the next couple of weeks.

But I digress. There is one thing about winter that pleases me, which I rediscover every year. This thing that quietly delights me is the quality of the sound when there is a blanket of snow on the ground. The snow brings a silence that is very welcome in this time of electronic beeps, dings, trills, buzzes, and tweets. Nature has many methods of redirecting our attention to joys it has to offer.

Looking for a means to soothe your hectic pre-Christmas day, go out into your backyard for a few minutes to commune with the quality of sound. Softer sounds are muffled as the snow acts as natural baffles and round out many noises. Sharp sounds crack, shattering the brittle cold air but are quickly replaced with that enveloping silence.

To get the full effect it is best to get to a park or nature preserve or any tract which is populated more by trees than the constructs of humans, but it isn’t entirely necessary. Especially after dark. Your backyard will do nicely. If you haven’t taken the time to experience the way that snow changes sounds since childhood, I suggest that it is high time that you do so.

The crunch as you break through the crust of the snow, the sound of your own breath, the rustle of small animals, and the creaks and cracks of trees shifting under the weight of the snow. These are the little gifts of winter.

Boosting that Mood

Random thoughts December 13, 2013 Leave a comment

(I admit to updating this post from last year, see my recent post on the busy season as my excuse.)

Memories of Christmases past

This is the happiest, most joyful time of the year. Or it is supposed to be, so I thought it appropriate to remember that regardless of evidence to the contrary, there is always joy to be found. I learned this from my mom who was the most perennially positive person I have ever known. Personally, I tend to melancholy, but having been raised within the realm of her spirit of joy, I am now the most upbeat melancholic you will ever meet.

Mom sang – whether to express actual joy or to bring it when it was flagging. She would just burst into a specific song, ring out a few notes, or hum. She would also ‘throng’ (her word) upon the piano. I find myself doing the same, usually making up nonsense verses based on known songs. This is because I discovered as I moved farther into adulthood that the singing was like a talisman against negativity.

Singing is my ritual. Not, that I am any good – but that isn’t the point.

There is a power to ritual that we modern people seem to have forgotten. We leave rituals inside the place of worship for the most part and we shouldn’t. Rituals are soothing and can focus or refocus the mind to a more positive bent in the midst of a hectic day. The one ritual I can think of outside of religion is the making and drinking of tea. What rituals do you follow?

“Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence.”

~Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

Rut is the ugly side of rituals; these are bad habits that we get into that encourage negative feelings for the most part. We should all take care to root ruts out of our days by replacing them with simple rituals that will refocus our minds to the potential good things going on.

6 Happiness Tools from What Happy People Know:

Appreciation
Choice
Personal Power
Leading with your Strengths
The Power of Language & Stories
Multidimensional Living

Dan Baker, PhD. & Cameron Stauth

I hope you discover some joyful rituals in the coming days. And if you hear someone humming down the aisle from you in the store, it might be me so give that person a smile as you pass.

Busy Season, Busy Reasons

Uncategorized December 11, 2013 Leave a comment

Being busy seems to be a badge of honor on a regular day, but these last weeks of the year ratchet up the busy with all the holiday expectations. Chasing some ideal of getting it all done and making it perfect seems to make many people hate this season. I do get that crazy hope of achieving a blank to-do list. But there is a heavy Sisyphean aspect to this hope, and I really don’t want to hate this season.

I want to enjoy the glitter of the lights as I drive down a cold, dark street and feel pleased that so many people want to decorate their homes for me and the other passersby. The days may be shorter but festive lights offer a smile inducing alternative.

I want to take pleasure in the selection of gifts for the people on my list. (Luckily I have a fairly short list.) If I start early enough, then I can take the time to think about the person that I am shopping for, remember good moments, and hopefully pick out a gift that will be meaningful to them.

I want to savor the aromas when I bake breads or cookies to share. Many of the recipes that I use have been passed down and have become tradition. The recipe cards are written in handwriting of family members no longer with us, reminding me of past kitchen moments.

Yes, all of our regular tasks and obligations press in, and holiday expectations pile on top not temporarily take the place of the everyday. But it is only here briefly this time and we shouldn’t be so intent on making the season perfect for someone else that we miss out on the wonder for ourselves.

Hear the words of those carols playing in the stores, let them transport you to childhood wonder and delight. Just for a minute. Joy to the world and God bless us, everyone.

Front and Center, Through it All

Personal Growth, Work Life December 9, 2013 Comments: 2

I love parades and try to devote at least a part of my Thanksgiving morning to watching the parades even as I have become an adult responsible for getting the big feast cooking. Parade watching on TV is a cherished part of my Thanksgiving rituals. But I have noticed a change, rather at some point the way that parades are broadcast was changed and I am now aware of this result.

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photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

In my childhood, the cameras focused on the floats and parade participants, the announcers providing their chatter as backdrop and occasionally coming in to view to announce a commercial break. These days, a person is lucky to catch a glimpse of parade participants over the shoulder of the announcers as the camera focuses incessantly upon them as they bring in a continuous parade of minor celebrities and periodically mention the bothersome parade that is happening behind them.

This got me thinking about the spotlight. Some people like to be right in the center of the glow, some can come and go, some enjoy the periphery and others want to be far off in the other direction. Life is best when there is a variety of types, all sorting to their preferred spot.

The thing is, though, that sometimes that spotlight should swing off the person who wants to be front and center and sometimes it should illuminate that person who prefers to exist in obscurity. Sometimes a team, an ensemble, a band, a cast should be in that light together. Hundreds of people must come together to pull off a successful parade. It is a display, an event that deserves attention. Even the people who take a support role want the result of their effort to be experienced by as many viewers as possible.

I find myself moving around in my chair as if I were actual standing on the side of the street and if I adjust I might be able to see the actual main event, the parade, around the obstruction of the announcers. Yes, I understand that these announcers are pleased with the spotlight, but this isn’t their turn. It is the turn of the hundreds of people who started planning this parade the moment last year’s parade ended. Possibly before.

I am frustrated that I hardly saw a moment of the parade that I turned on the TV to see, but this has really opened my eyes to all the small moments that happen every day – the things that don’t get noticed. I want to keep this revelation front and center, to acknowledge efforts large and small.

Revisiting a Question

Personal Growth, Work Life December 6, 2013 Leave a comment

We back away, brush our hands off and think, ‘whew, that’s done now on to the next thing’ – problem solved, to-do checked off the list. File it away. Next. But what if it isn’t? What if in a few weeks, or months, or even years something happens to make us have to go through it all again; possibly even come to a different conclusion?

The medical community has revamped the protocols for cholesterol and statin use and that seems to have knocked people for a loop. That question was resolved, we all thought anyway. But life is cyclical, we learn new things on some other topic and the ripple effect can alter the decisions that seemed set in stone just a short while before.

“That is the one thing that I’ve learned, that it is possible to really understand things at certain points, and not be able to retain them, to be in utter confusion just a short while later. I used to think that once you really knew a thing, its truth would shine forever.”

~ Lucy Grealy

It seems a bit like Lucy and I aren’t coming at this issue in quite the same way, but I think that we really are. Where she mentions retain, it might be about keeping the knowledge fresh in our own memory, but it could also mean keeping it solid in light of new information or experiences. Almost anything that we think we know is based almost entirely upon the context in which we know it. If the context changes, our understanding of the thing can be thrown into confusion.

It might seem as though we are moving backward in revisiting a question, but if we are looking at it with fresh eyes and understanding then it is actually a good thing. When the elements that went into the original answer have changed, then the nature of the question and the basis of the solution might be wholly different.

It isn’t a retread at all then, but a deepening and broadening of understanding.