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Tag Archives: Perspective

Time Out Moment

Job Search, Personal Growth, Work Life September 26, 2013 Leave a comment

Adults have been putting children in time out for decades, hundreds of years when you take the old Dunce chair into account. Yet, somehow we don’t seem to realize when we should give ourselves a time out. Everyone could use one now and again, regardless of how measured some people are overall.

The time out is intended to give the child time to get hold of their emotions – of course, particularly for a child, it should include vigorous exercise, not sitting still, to rid the body of that kinetic energy. (Wherever do we think that energy is going to go?) But that point is for another time. We assume that through the various methods applied by our caregivers we have developed the skills needed to keep ourselves under control now as adults.

Too bad we can’t have a time out spot like this nearby when we need it.

But due to uncertainty, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, a chaotic event, illness, fear, want/need, or many other forces we don’t always have the control that we ought over our own responses. We need to give ourselves a time out moment. A step back, breathe, assess, consider, reconsider opportunity before we speak or act.

People who are more measured by nature are better able to build this need into their interactions. Impulsive people, and all of the others in between measured and impulsive will have to practice awareness first – to identify that they are getting to a point where a time out is a good idea. I have varying success with this recognition myself. When I need it the most, I don’t seem to have the right access.

When I am just a bit stressed, but still aware I realize that I can rely upon my breathing to give me the best clue. When it becomes shallow and tight, I stop whatever I am doing. Then I get moving – this is always a good time for a restroom break – to change my blood flow, plus a change of scenery gives your mind a chance to re-channel thinking – and the physical activity will start to burn some of the psychic energy that is causing the need for a time out moment. I focus on deeper breathing while moving.

We all have a lot on our mind, our plate – whatever – a time out moment now and then to reflect helps immensely.

Deciding to Deal with Decision Fatigue

Personal Growth, Work Life September 25, 2013 Leave a comment

Each person on a team needs to be able to show a willingness to make decisions, not just the leader.

The average adult makes well over 100 decisions each day, not all of them are made consciously because habit and avoidance or procrastination are decision types too. You start your decisions for the day with the choice of how you respond to the alarm and go from there. Of course there is research that shows our ability to make sound decisions can actually be eroded by the need to make a large number of decisions, a sort of decision weariness. The official wording is decision fatigue.

Being the President would require the need for making a large number of decisions in any given day, here is his take on reducing the need for smaller, daily decisions:

“You need to focus your decision-making energy. You need to routinize yourself. You can’t be going through the day distracted by trivia.”

~ Barack Obama

Thankfully you aren’t the President, but it is still a good thing to think about how you perform on a busy day when many different things are thrown at you – do you carefully consider each new request, or does your brain get more and more focused on how busy you are and actually consider the activities you are undertaking less and less? Or, to counteract decision weariness, do you prioritize decisions and apply some simple concept to address routine decisions?

You need to take a look at the methods and tools that you are using to make decisions and take it another step. Each of us, whether we realize it or not has a method, but we need to evaluate that method for effectiveness – you must establish your own criteria.

“Fact is, some lives are so filled with impedimentary drama and ancillary decision-making that there is little time left over for work.”

~ Robert Genn

How do you make sure that you aren’t falling into a rut? That you are saving your decision making energy for the helpful decisions and not expending it all on what to wear that day, what to have for lunch, what email to answer first?

Sometimes the best decision that you can make is to decide your own criteria for making good decisions. And part of that is to make sure you conserve your decision making energy for the right decisions.

My original post was on 12/14/12 – Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

Mental Reset Via Road Trip

Personal Growth, Work Life September 23, 2013 Leave a comment

My parents were raised in the same medium sized Midwestern city, but moved away to follow my dad’s job early in their marriage. This meant that from a small age, I was used to getting in the car for a drive to see extended family. Being in the car meant dad driving, always. Mom variously would start games with us, get us to sing rounds, read or sleep. There came to be a rhythm of family interaction and personal introspection that I found pleasant.

Ever since being on my own, I have sought out a road trip or two each year because of this thought rhythm. New sights outside the car window can be triggers for new thoughts and ideas. (And blog posts.)

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

~ Isaac Asimov

Just like the country in general, my life has been churning a lot of change in the past year or so and a road trip was just what I needed to think, adjust and let the light in. I am back from a very quick trip to an area that I called home for several years. It is a small town, county seat, in a rural setting. It gave me a chance to think while on the road, and to get a bit of green therapy in places that we used to go hiking.

Even if your life has been same old same old, it is helpful to figure out a way to scrub off your assumptions and there is nothing like a change of scenery to do it.

I have this conversation with myself during almost every road trip – this is the time that I will make a point to not be so stuck on getting to my destination, but stop at some of the local places that post signs along the road. I know that it is important to expand my perception once in a while. On the way home I did just this, and reminded myself that it was fun as I was grumbling about pulling into my garage so late at the end of the trip.

How do you give yourself a mental reset once in awhile?

Go For It and Carry a Hello Kitty™ Lunchbox

Personal Growth, Work Life, Writing September 20, 2013 Leave a comment

There is a constant yin-yang between wanting to fit in and expressing individuality. We somehow think that we will leave this behind when we cross the threshold to adulthood and finally be comfortable, but find soon enough – drat it all – that this balance is a life-long pursuit in our personal and professional lives. And balance is probably not the best word because how few of us ever feel that we have found just the right weighting of each element? (Or even in those sweet moments that we do, how quickly something changes again.)

We progress through life attempting to figure out how to fit in within ourselves and also within various groups. Do I? Should I? How was that? Validation is sweet. Small set-backs in one area can ripple through our impression of placement in other areas painfully and quickly. Seismic moments of uncertainty can make us want to jump in bed, pull the covers up and figure out how to be a hermit.

I have been able to find my way through life, so far, in a manner that has allowed me to sample many geographic areas, various groups – formal and informal, and provided latitude to explore different ideas. I have soared and I have stumbled, mostly plodded along at a fairly steady pace. It has helped that my mom shared her infinite curiosity and my dad shared his determination. These traits have served me well and stand in place of confidence and assuredness when necessary, plus make room for all sorts of adjustments here and there.

About that Hello Kitty™ lunchbox – I am drawn to her calm, serene thoroughly pleased countenance. But I was too old when she first came into popularity because she was marketed to girls several years younger than me. Purportedly then, I was much too old when she came back to prominence a few years ago. But a funny thing had happened in the years between. I got comfortable enough with my sense of self that I could indulge in the whimsy that Hello Kitty™ offered, despite my advanced age.

When I received said lunchbox as a gift my practical side said, this will be more useful and less wasteful than paper bags; and my creative self said, what a great thing to give me a smile every day. I was firmly on the leadership track at work by then, but I have never believed that professionalism leaves no room for personal – even quirky – expression. I am possibly in the minority in this belief.

People from senior management down to entry level didn’t quite know how to react to my new possession. Even the person who gave it to me might have been surprised that I used it at work. (I never asked and she never said.) Some people tried to make me feel embarrassed about carrying such a ‘childish’ item into an office. ‘About that lunchbox of yours’ they would start and I would jump in, ‘doesn’t she just brighten up your day?’. They didn’t know where to go after that.

I carried that lunchbox for about 6ish years. Until she was looking a bit worn and tired. Another friend gave me a new bag, also with personality, but this time more ‘grown-up’. The Hello Kitty™ lunchbox was retired. But she is still in my heart, rooting for self-expression.

In Our Circles

Job Search, Personal Growth, Work Life September 16, 2013 Leave a comment

Growing up, The Carol Burnett Show was part of prime family time each week, bits and pieces of the skits becoming part of our family vocabulary and identifying points. Madeline Kahn was a frequent guest on the show and one of her skits where she played a pretentious acting coach for Eunice was a favorite for us. Something that Madeline says repeatedly in this skit, ‘in our circles, in our circles, in our circles’ became part of our family sayings.

Madeline Kahn publicity shot

Madeline Kahn was spoofing Method Acting concepts for great hilarity, but this phrase has come to represent both an effort to center myself and a way to be aware of my comfort zones. Even when firmly in our comfort zones, we can still need to center ourselves at times. And we really need to be aware of how to center ourselves when we are outside of our comfort zones.

Madeline Kahn had this wonderfully rich, theatrical voice and I can still see her now – head slightly tilted forward, eyes closed and hands circling around as she chanted, ‘in our circles, in our circles, in our circles’. (Carol Burnett as Eunice lapping it all up and imitating every action.) This is a great example of how humor can impact us well beyond the stress-relieving immediate laughter.

Remaining centered is a supreme act all in itself most of the time. Things, events, people are all working quite hard, and seemingly deliberately, to push us off center. Out of our circle.

Our comfort zones can hold us back from progress – at work, in relationships – because the next thing that we need is beyond the perimeter of comfort. Out of our circle.

Some people have a fairly easy time adjusting to unfamiliar and making it part of their comfort zone and others really struggle. Of course capability to adjust can be affected by how much the new thing is wanted, needed or liked – except for people that really can’t deal with change.

Full disclosure – I am actually writing this one for myself because my comfort zones are shifting and I needed to remind myself that it’s ok. I thought it might be a message that would resonate for others as well, so I’m sharing.

In our circles, in our circles, in our growing shifting circles.

Success Over Failure

Business Writing, Writing September 13, 2013 Leave a comment

Success and failure could be seen as two ends of the same continuum.

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”

~ Bill Cosby

Of course, you need to make certain that you know what your success is supposed to look like.

Making Things Happen

Business Writing, Writing September 11, 2013 Leave a comment

We all start out with dreams of our adult lives.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

We need to remember that advancing in the direction of our dreams looks very different at various stages of our lives, but we shouldn’t stop advancing.

Experience, Our Life-long Teacher

Business Writing, Writing September 6, 2013 Leave a comment

We can hope that we get fairly balanced between benefit and cost as we proceed through life and gain experiences.

“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we’d be millionaires.”

~ Abigail van Buren

Perhaps as writers we get more benefit from our experiences, good or bad.

Give Yourself Some Credit

Business Writing, Writing September 4, 2013 Leave a comment

You certainly don’t progress through life all by yourself, but neither should you ignore what you have done to help yourself.

“I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.”

~ Bob Hope

I don’t think I can claim truth to the first part of this quote for myself, and sometimes I redirected myself to the right place instead of steering but give this one some thought and get yourself in the driver’s seat.