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Assigning Motives

Personal Growth, Work Life November 8, 2013 Comments: 2

Sometimes I watch these procedural dramas on TV like Criminal Minds and CSI because I like to see the methodology. But the creators seem to think that they must show obscenely deviant behavior to make their point and that is wearing. We have so many of these shows and books that it starts to seem much more common than it really is to have psychopaths running loose.

We do like to know why something happened, why someone did something. It helps us to know what to do with the experience. Most of us will never, thankfully, encounter someone who is psychotic but we do have plenty of incidents in our daily interactions and we assign motives to the other participants in these incidents so that we can categorize the why, make some sense, decide how to react or move on.

For instance, we should all be conscious in our interactions with businesses that their motive is profit – sometimes in a manner that is beneficial to us as well as the company and sometimes at our caution. (I’ll refer you back to my post about my dumb phone, I don’t see the services offered with these smart phones as more beneficial to me than the profit the company gains – or even as equally beneficial.) Businesses have marketing folks to smooth over their profit motive and make their product or service as attractive as possible to the largest pool of potential customers. And buyer who forgets the underlying business motive beware.

public domain image

Where assigning motives really gets interesting, though, is in our one on one or group interactions. Have you heard friends or coworkers say things like, ‘he’s out to get me’, ‘she always gets her way’, ‘of course the company scheduled X when I had other plans’? When we are assigning motives, they are usually negative.

public domain image

We all do it, but do we ever question what our own motive is in making these assignments? What criteria are we applying to come to this conclusion? Back to these shows, sometimes they come up with these outlandishly fully realized motives from the thinnest of clues. (Purportedly the characters are just that brilliant.) We need to examine the criteria that we are applying for false reasoning, question our own motives in assigning motives once in a while.

Complex and devious motives probably exist more often on these TV dramas than in our own interactions. What do you think?

The Power of the Right Word

Business Writing, Personal Growth, Work Life, Writing November 4, 2013 Leave a comment

We learn to speak without understanding the power of language. We just know that we start to associate specific combinations of sounds to the result that we want – combining sounds to produce ‘juice’ gets us a sweet, cold beverage that slakes our thirst. So we say it again when our mouth is dry and we need liquid. Other sound combinations get results too – uttering ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ gets lots of wonderful attention, hugs and kisses. Score!

Somewhere along the line we experience the pain of words too. A casually repeated word like ‘dummy’ gains a lecture about not hurting others perhaps. But do we really understand the power of words yet?

Learning that certain words have specific associations to a place – the playground has looser rules than the classroom – teaches us a level of appropriateness, but not necessarily understanding. We have just enough to know how to be hurtful without knowing why we might be hurtful.

I love words – their sound, combining them for just the right effect – I love to read them and to write them. I want to understand them, not just use them. When I am trying to make a point with people who don’t have the same intense relationship to words I like to use an example. If you need a group to listen you can say different things – examples run from ‘Be quiet’ to ‘Shut up’. These are essentially the same command but they have very different connotations for the listeners. If you would like to show authority, but not disrespect toward the group, then your option is clearly ‘be quiet’, ‘quiet, please’ or something along that line.

I know that I cannot expect others to love words as I do. But this example usually helps to gain understanding. In English, we have many options to say something, to get our point across – all valid – which makes choosing the right option for the circumstance an important step. What do we intend to convey? Who is our audience? What is important within the message that is also important to the audience?

There is so much that should go into word choice, too much for one blog post. I need a reminder now and then that words have alternate meanings, even regional meanings sometimes, and that the point of combining sounds into words and words into sentences and paragraphs is to communicate. Communicating isn’t just about what I want to say, but about how the person or group who will receive the message will perceive it. The right word has great power, and the wrong word – well, there is usually a long list of trending social media topics about the famous folks who chose the wrong word at the wrong time.

The Business and IT Convergence

Work Life November 1, 2013 Comments: 4

The differences between the way that business sees an issue, a system and the way that IT (or IS) sees the same issue or system is usually termed a divide. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We are seeing two sides of the same coin, and the coin needs both sides.

I have to admit, I never much thought about this intersect; I am a user of the systems that IT finds, builds and supports. Sometimes those systems drive me mad because they don’t do what I expect them to do. IT should fix them, fix them now because I can’t complete my tasks. But then, as I was waiting for a diagnosis, I started to ask why and how and other questions. I changed from being irritated to curious. And then I was the business owner for the order process in an SAP conversion.

photo credit: Wikipedia, Makati intersection

Like most intersections, we don’t much think about them – they just are and we drive through noting only what we think pertains to us. Time after time. We tsk, tsk at the dysfunction that we see exists there, but it isn’t our place to repair it because we don’t own it. The thing with an intersect is that there is shared ownership, though.

For any user to be successful with a system there is a how and a why within the procedure. The ‘how’ is the way that the system works and owned by IT. The ‘why’ is the business need for the system and owned by business. A successful intersection require collaboration and communication between business and IT from the moment that a system solution is identified.

Looked at a different way, IT owns the system itself and business owns the content, the data. If the data isn’t clean, the system won’t work as intended. The system will be termed as broken.

Creating powerful collaboration and communication between IT and business means a smoother intersection. Defining ownership at the start is the key; it doesn’t prevent the system from acting up, but it sure cuts down on the acrimony.

How do IT and business get along in your office?

Too Much on my Mind to be Nice Too

Personal Growth, Work Life October 30, 2013 Leave a comment

I was scrambling about the other day trying to find something that I knew I had and just couldn’t remember where it was at (I no longer remember what it was at all) when I came across an article about the hazard of an overfull brain to the pleasantries of life. Eureka a small part of my brain said! Stick to the task at hand the rest of my brain said.

Anyway, let’s assume that I completed the original task because it isn’t really important to the story anymore. What is important is that I was brought up to be polite, always, everywhere, no exceptions. (It turns out that there are valid exceptions, but we’ll address that some other time.) You who are over a certain age know what I am talking about. My mom went to great lengths to teach us manners.

photo credit: Wikipedia, Emily Post – the mother of American Etiquette

So much so that one Thanksgiving she invented an elaborate system of signals to my brother and I to point out any indiscretions on our parts but then proceeded to tell the whole table about the system thereby negating the system itself. (It was a pain to learn it all too…) I think that she got embarrassed making all the signals, and then we got confused. Well, everyone thought it was amusing at the time.

I digress again. The article gave me absolution, of a sort, when I forget the niceties when I am laser focused on some issue or solution. This is something that I am constantly on myself about to improve. I know people who never fail to be accommodating and spot on polite and I am impressed and slightly shamed at the same time.

I don’t mean to say that I am rude when I am in this focused mode, I just forget my pleases and thank yous. Until later, sometimes much later. I might forget to wait my turn, too if it is really urgent.

Unfortunately, I don’t remember anything else about the article – where I saw it, the title, who wrote it. But it was based on scientific research. You’ll just have to take my word on it. I don’t mean to be impolite, my thoughts are just too focused on the task at hand. Let’s just say the solution part of the brain isn’t paying any attention to the polite part at that moment.

Please tell me that I am not alone in this – you know what I am talking about here. If you are a person who never fails to be polite, regardless of what is on your mind, do tell how you do it.

Fair and Equitable

Personal Growth, Work Life October 25, 2013 Leave a comment

photo credit: Wikipedia

I don’t much believe in astrology except that I am very interested in balance and I was born under the sign of Libra – which is represented as a scale. Coincidence, perhaps. Fair and equitable are worthy objectives when searching for a solution to anything within a group. But blasted hard to achieve sometimes.

Mainly because these are very subjective words – how a person defines fair is very much dependent upon factors in their life that have little or no bearing upon the current situation. Or perhaps upon the definition of the word fair in the dictionary. I can’t control this, and can only account for it minimally in crafting any solution.

Does this mean that I should not attempt to be fair and equitable? Absolutely not. Even if something is difficult to achieve, it is often a worthy goal. Fair and equitable is always a worthy goal. (And not worth tracking how often you achieve – but perhaps worthy tracking what didn’t work with a particular group and why…)

Like right at this moment is it fair that the dog is standing on the outside of the sliding doors looking beseechingly at me, wanting to come in, while I type? Yes, it is – I don’t want to lose my train of thought and it isn’t overly cold, there is no rain and most likely another dog out on a walk will be by shortly to distract her. That’s my call, you may make a different determination of fair in this example.

Generally the best thing that a person can do is to decide what rules, based on their own experiences plus current circumstances, constitute fair and equitable. If you don’t know what these look like for yourself, how can you possibly begin to apply them in larger settings such as within a group? Yes this takes thought and effort. Yes it can be uncomfortable. But you will have a stronger position if you put the effort into clearly defining your own position.

Then you can build on your own general definition to determine what is fair and equitable within the context of different situations and groups. You can take into account the make-up of the group itself, or the specifics of the situation. Are there extenuating circumstances? Is this on-going or one-time?

I’m going to go let the dog in now. What does fair and equitable mean to you?

Accumulating Small Triumphs

Personal Growth, Work Life October 21, 2013 Comments: 4

Big wins are fabulous, splashy feel good moments, but give me a succession of small wins any week and I’ll take that option every time. Don’t get me wrong, I am not averse to big wins – indeed, bring one on, I could use it. The thing is that the excitement and joy fade away into the everyday and then you are left with a nice photo.

We like to see our lives as a progression forward and toward something better. The big wins then should give us a jump to a higher plain where we will then stay and continue to progress upward from that point. But the truth is usually that the big win is a spike and then we come back to where we were previously and continue our progression after the interruption.

I haven’t even gotten into the other side of things, those difficulties – both large and small – that impede this progress. I’ve mentioned before that over my life I have tended more toward the melancholy so these difficulties always loomed larger than any triumph in my perception. Except in these last few years. The difficulties are still there but I have consciously changed my perception. (As I began to write this post in my head, my computer refused to start properly on the first try and I had to force a shut down all the while afraid that I would lose details of the idea with the delay.)

Look at what people accomplished without all of our modern machinery!
1875 August Menken
photo credit: Wikipedia commons

If triumphs and difficulties left some sort of mark, sort of like the graphs in black and red that show earnings up or down of the center line, as we look back objectively at our lives these would probably be pretty even. But in perception, I have found that if I make an effort to be aware of the small triumphs and give a moment of thanks then everything gets colored differently – and better.

We had many difficulties and challenges in the office last week but we ended on a small triumph which made it all worthwhile.

Whose Job is it Anyway?

Personal Growth, Work Life October 16, 2013 Leave a comment

The result of the problem (incident, challenge, situation, happening, occurrence, negative event, etc.) lands splat in the middle of the team. Does everyone stare at it? Or perhaps everyone immediately finds busy work somewhere else? Maybe a couple of people circle in closer for a look at least until a supervisor moves in at which point everyone fades back?

The supervisor picks it up and starts to ask questions – what is this? Who knows something? Do the hands start to form into pointers, poking this way or that? If you get caught too close to the problem when the supervisor moves in, you become ‘it’ and that isn’t a desired position.

But why not? Turn things on their ear, at review time, and almost everyone on the team is likely to put that they are a ‘go-to’ person for the department on their review somewhere. When I read that as a manager, I immediately start to sift through my memory to see where they stood for those unclaimed problems. At what point did they jump in? How proactive were they with follow up and resolution? Did they know the point at which it should be escalated? Did they bring in the appropriate people from other departments to address it thoroughly? Did they solve the underlying problem to prevent a repeat incident?

I think some people might be more willing to get in there and claim a problem to solve if they realized that it is like being a mini project manager. You don’t have to do all the work, you must move the project from problem to resolution. This doesn’t mean all by your lonesome. You can bounce ideas off of co-workers, your manager. You can enlist the aid of the appropriate people in other departments. This becomes a chance to grow.

What happens to unclaimed problems at your office?

Lessons Last Week Lined Up to Reinforce

Personal Growth, Work Life October 14, 2013 Comments: 2

Socrates & Plato are still teaching us. (photo credit: Wikipedia)

We pack our early years with schooling and then often let our learning muscles get a little out of shape. (And then you have to learn PowerPoint, uh-oh.) Life has a tendency to provide us with plenty of opportunities that reinforce lessons we have previously learned, if we are paying attention. I had two chances last week, that I noticed.

I like the idea of mindfulness, but it just isn’t possible to practice 24/7 – if you have found a way, please share. I probably missed a few things that I saw as mundane at the time and not something with more substance. And I am usually in the mindset to look for depth, patterns and opportunity. Do you remember to look beyond, or deeper into the immediate task sometimes?

An important role for a leader is to help people recognize their own abilities to resolve situations and to provide tools and space to practice these skills. I’m deep in learning mode right now, there are many things that I don’t know in detail. My team knows the details and it is my responsibility to make sure that they have what they need to complete the tasks and keep things moving. My responsibility is to offer alternatives to keep things moving, and encourage.

Being prepared means many things – practicing, familiarizing, and centering. I had a chance to do a speech for Toastmasters in an unfamiliar space. I had the speech itself cold (although I hadn’t practiced some changes well enough and left them out) but I didn’t take an opportunity to go stand up at the front and familiarize myself with the space.

I know better, we spent plenty of time on blocking (figuring out where to stand and move in a scene) in my theater days. Blocking will change based on the space that you are working in, so in theater we block in the practice space and re-block once we move to the stage. If we do a good job, we won’t look awkward when we have an audience. I probably had some awkward moments in my speech that could have been avoided if I had just gone up to the front of the hall when I got there.

Then there is centering – taking that moment to get right in the head. Don’t do it at your peril. Do it half-way and pay the consequences. This is particularly a lesson that many of us have to relearn, sometimes daily. I did it half-way.

It was a mistake, that impression that many of us got in school that lessons only had to be repeated if we weren’t smart enough. Repeat lessons come along to give us an opportunity to refocus, that’s all. A chance to improve.

The Details of the Day

Personal Growth, Work Life October 11, 2013 Comments: 2

(I recently enjoyed reading The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro, so a nod to his title that I’ve played off of here.)

It is the details of a thing that either serve us well and move our plans forward, or that trip us up. Back in school, if we answered that the civil war happened sometime in the 1800s we most likely were marked wrong on a test and asked for more detail if it was a class discussion. While vaguely correct, the level of detail needed for accuracy is missing in this broad answer.

Impressions stick with me – the patterns of a process, reactions of a person or a group – but not details. When I need to remember something, I search in my memory for any placeholders such as what day it was, who might have been there, where I was located. If I can recreate the scene to a moderate level of detail, I have a better chance of retrieving some specifics. I rely upon notes to dig deeper and bring back greater, finer details.

Claude Monet’s 1882: The Church at Varengaville, Grey Weather, photo credit Wikipaintings

In my family, I am the de facto keeper of memorabilia – all the physical prompts that open the flood gates of ‘remember when’; the pictures and trinkets of our past. These are talisman to bring up those impressions of large, small, important, and mundane activities and moments of life. What we each produce of this memory and then share can become a more complete recreation of the original since we each have different sensibilities which trigger what and how we will remember something.

In business, I have honed the note taking that I learned in school (and diverge from my regular method at my peril) to develop a pretty good practice which records the right level of detail for retention and reference later. The notes help me to get from that overall impression level of detail into more complete who, what, where, when, why particulars. When I am really on my game, I sift back through the notes as soon as possible to develop the next level of associations – what goes with what.

I have a habit of writing call notes that has served me very well in personal as well as professional business. I learned this habit the hard way when faced with retractions or changes to agreements and could only go back to my own impressions of the previous interactions. Now when I can say that I called on this day and spoke to this person and was told this specific thing would happen, I am more likely to get the result that I expect.

Impressions of events are fine when sitting around at a family gathering and bringing out the old pictures to indulge in ‘remember when’. But we all need to have methods of retaining finer details when it comes to moving our plans forward and keeping them on track.

Truth can Mean Pain, Discovered Avoidance will be Excruciating

Personal Growth, Work Life October 10, 2013 Leave a comment

Sometimes post ideas come from the most fleeting of thoughts and I have to be quick to get the essence of the idea down in a notebook that I carry. (I was just at a conference where they reminded us all that science has found we forget about half of what we hear/see within 24 hours, and the forgetting just goes on exponentially from there.)

I meant to write down the occurrence behind this post idea, but it is lost. Certainly this is a lesson that I tried to teach myself many, many times in my younger years. I was steadfast in my practice of avoidance for too many years. Foolishly, ridiculously so. Until I finally saw the pattern. And realized that truth can have power.

The movie quote, “You can’t handle the truth.” (Most men I know can practically recite the whole movie. This quote is Jack Nicholson’s character in A Few Good Men) seems to sum up the way that many of us relate to the truth. For whatever reason we create all sorts of alternate reality scenarios and often these get tripped up in one way or another and we are faced with myriad consequences. Mostly unpleasant ones.

On the other hand, when people expect defensive behavior on your part you can regain control of a conversation when you tell the truth. It has taken the wind out of more potential rants than I have kept count, people were actually disappointed because they had clearly practiced words for a protracted argument. My simple, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my action x would lead to issue y for you. How can we fix it?’ stopped them up. Of course, even better is to go to them when you know something might affect them, and I learned this too, finally.

Your right now self might be tired, but your future self has other things to do than to clean up after you.