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Forward, Yes, Looking Over a Shoulder

Personal Growth, Work Life October 9, 2013 Comments: 2

Life moves us ever forward. We have one day after another – some are good and some not so much. There are people who are good at looking forward, planning and making sure that this progression of days add up to a larger something; and on the other side of the spectrum there are people for whom every day is a surprise. Then there are all of the rest of us in between.

But which way are we looking most often? Forward, back, all around? Like driving, we know that we should shift our focus between all of these views, but depending on our personality and experience we tend to settle into one habitual viewpoint. We lose range of motion after some time of this single default viewpoint.

The best mix of forward, back and all around gives us the richest context. We need that backward historical viewpoint to provide some recognition to new things. (This is similar to that old thing in certain ways.) Adding in the forward helps the new thing to reveal previously unexperienced, and possibly beneficial, perspectives and knowledge. All around provides balance and depth – we can better decide what weight to apply to everything.

But we need something to push us off our preferred viewpoint, most likely. Do you regularly use the past to decide what to do today? Do you look forward to new experiences? How often do you switch it up? I liken it to changing lanes when driving – even though I know that I should turn my head as well as using my mirrors I find that I can slip into a bad habit of just using my mirrors and perhaps a quick sideways glance. Not good.

I have had a Physical Therapist remind me that many of our motions are forward focused, so even though we start out with great range of motion we lose a lot if we don’t deliberately stretch out and back too. We need to do this with our minds too – our default viewpoints.

Have you put much thought into how your viewpoint affects your ability to move forward?

And Repeat Until Retirement

Personal Growth, Work Life October 4, 2013 Leave a comment

Sometimes a post idea comes to me and I struggle for a title. Sometimes I manage to come up with an idea and a title together. And sometimes I just get a title. Today, I was thinking along the lines of repetitive tasks – there is a world of lather, rinse, repeat beyond shampoo – and this title popped in.

It seems as though we think, as children, that we will put thought into what we want to be; get the appropriate training in our early adult years; get the appropriate job for that training at a good company; achieve regular gains in pay and work load based on experience; and retire at the right time. Ding, work life recipe complete. And perhaps that did work for a chunk of the population for a space of time. (I hear tell that the Millennials have different ideas of a career – do share.)

We do need to have a balance of the expected – certainty – to go along with all of the variables – marry or not, and who? Where to live? Children? And somehow our working segment seems a reasonable portion to place our hopes for regular, certain, blissful sameness. We can handle life’s changes when we know there will be familiar expectations here and there.

While I have been aware of this sort of assembly line progression of career, I have taken a different tack. I understand why this notion can appeal. Just for fun, I make lists of all the bits and pieces of life that we are supposed to keep up on and it is eye-popping. Also, not feasible – something must go on auto-process. Something has to be chosen to fend for itself. Benign neglect.

I am not suggesting that people don’t take pride in their work, don’t want to be valued. Not at all, just that there isn’t a necessarily a conscious review of current status versus a planned trajectory. The focus is on the set of regular tasks. It is expected that completion of tasks will carry up to keep on that trajectory until retirement.

Does this work out? Yes, for some. Certainly it has led to a rude awakening for others. So the question comes down to deciding whether it is working for you – is your current activity meeting your expectations? If so, repeat until retirement, with occasional re-verification.

What am I Supposed to Do with All this Information?

Personal Growth, Work Life October 3, 2013 Comments: 2

We are bombarded with information wherever we go, look away for just a moment and another ton or so has been added to the pile. All of it vying for our attention. Whew, how to figure out what is important, what is useful, what is filler?

Coping methods abound, but should they really be broadly applied? And most of them seem to deal with the mechanics of organization as opposed to the how-to of information processing. Weighting, sifting, categorizing, pattern recognition – information triage.

I remember along about when my boys hit middle school realizing that they didn’t seem to know how to study properly – what to put into notes, how to organize those notes, how to weight importance of the lessons provided. I looked around for additional assistance, a tutor or program, but all were focused on improvement in the direct skills – math, reading, etc. – that my boys were quite capable of learning on their own. I could not find anything that would help with the soft skills of study habits or information organization. The people that I contacted seemed to be confused about my request.

At work, I have encountered people who need assistance deciding how to prioritize the pile of work in front of them. Sometimes this is because there is simply too much of it, but sometimes it is the same issue as for my boys – how to process information effectively was not part of any curriculum they had encountered. There seems to be an assumption that people will naturally know what to do with the information provided and therefore the focus of teaching has been on providing the information.

I wish that I could say I remember how I was taught to process information – because I am certain that I had lessons on this skill along the way. Perhaps it was in such small increments, here and there, that I can’t pinpoint any moments. My ‘aha’ moment has been that this is something that I can share with others, not how I acquired the knowledge.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have places in my house where piles of information await my attention. (Good thing my dining room table has a sturdy pedestal.) And I wish that it meant I had a magic method of whisking away extraneous information without having to take time to look at it! Plus there is always the brand new information that takes longer to sort because I don’t know the identifying factors yet.

How have you decided to process all the information that comes your way?

Change of Season

Random thoughts October 2, 2013 Comments: 8

In my early twenties I lived in a couple different places in California for a few years – they have cool summer and warm summer and not much else. Rainy season and drier season. I thought that I would enjoy the no winter part, but found instead that I dearly missed spring and fall.

I have spent the majority of my life in the Midwest where we have all four seasons – though to varying degrees. (I liked living in the mild winter parts the best, but then the summers are a bit more intense – no such thing as perfect.) I’m not a winter person, though there is something to be said for being out on a cold crisp winter night. I can get my winter fix from photographs and movies. Summer has its benefits, but a bit too hot for my taste.

And it wasn’t until my California experience that I realized the importance of spring and autumn for me. That is where it is at – the world wakes up and comes back to showy noisy life in spring, and offers a final burst of color and crunch before slumbering in the fall. I can put up with the inconvenience of winter to enjoy these seasons. (Of course, if I could find a means to migrate like the birds every year I wouldn’t turn that down.)

I get a bit wistful in the fall, don’t you? Each season seems to have a predominant sentiment associated with it which gives us the opportunity to change our thinking with the change in season. I’m sure there are contrarians out there who have a very different response. I start out with my usual thoughts on all of the summer activities that once again I did not partake. The days were long and invited the thought that I had plenty of time, take it easy.

Suddenly the days are getting shorter and there is a hint of crisp in the air. The geese are honking in formation over my house, but the windows are still open to let in the warm breeze. Ah – woulda, shoulda, coulda got me again. But, not in all ways – I have learned a little something – I do have a short list of summer activities I did accomplish.

I’m going to make a point not to get too wistful in my posts in the coming weeks – help keep me honest, will you, let me know if you think that I do. Plaintive is good – in rotation with other viewpoints.

What is your favorite season, and why?

Dis-orientingly Familiar

Personal Growth, Work Life, Writing September 30, 2013 Leave a comment

I have lived in many places in my life – sometimes you can pass through a place, even live there for a good chunk of time, without the place grabbing much of a hold on your memory and other places dig deep roots into your heart, even in a short stay. And the place that prompted me to write is one that dug deep. It was nice to get a chance to go back recently, even briefly, and check how the town and some of the people that I know are faring.

Living now in the Chicago area, there isn’t much contour to our prairie, but this area has plenty of hills and valleys. Some of the state routes and other roads connecting towns used to be 2 lane back roads with character including twists and turns – but over time through government investment, need due to heavy use, and hard work of construction workers these routes and roads have become 4 lane highways and therefore been straightened out and lost character. It is now faster to get from one place to another, and you don’t have fear what might be taking that next curve wide, but the scenery is blander.

Progress seems to smooth out personality.

I’ve noticed that this seems true with clothing and buildings as well. Look at items that were made painstakingly by hand in previous centuries and you will see intricate work that we don’t see in many of our modern items – straighter lines, more uniform.

I know this thing, if not clearly anymore, I know it viscerally. This is where the old road went that way. This is where the door used to be. Even if you haven’t lived many places I bet you can identify – think about when you have visited some place and found that they have similar street names. Which makes you think twice as hard to get from A to B – is it your usual A to B, or a different one that should not overlay existing information? Names are the same, but contours and results are quite different.

We know it, but we don’t and it is disorienting. Our brains stutter to gain certainty – this, no that, um. Breathe, not panic. Familiar, why? What fits with what? Set aside the unknown for a moment, focus on the known – even vague misty known. And click. Understanding starts, disorientation recedes. I am here, now. Whew.

Time Out Moment

Job Search, Personal Growth, Work Life September 26, 2013 Leave a comment

Adults have been putting children in time out for decades, hundreds of years when you take the old Dunce chair into account. Yet, somehow we don’t seem to realize when we should give ourselves a time out. Everyone could use one now and again, regardless of how measured some people are overall.

The time out is intended to give the child time to get hold of their emotions – of course, particularly for a child, it should include vigorous exercise, not sitting still, to rid the body of that kinetic energy. (Wherever do we think that energy is going to go?) But that point is for another time. We assume that through the various methods applied by our caregivers we have developed the skills needed to keep ourselves under control now as adults.

Too bad we can’t have a time out spot like this nearby when we need it.

But due to uncertainty, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, a chaotic event, illness, fear, want/need, or many other forces we don’t always have the control that we ought over our own responses. We need to give ourselves a time out moment. A step back, breathe, assess, consider, reconsider opportunity before we speak or act.

People who are more measured by nature are better able to build this need into their interactions. Impulsive people, and all of the others in between measured and impulsive will have to practice awareness first – to identify that they are getting to a point where a time out is a good idea. I have varying success with this recognition myself. When I need it the most, I don’t seem to have the right access.

When I am just a bit stressed, but still aware I realize that I can rely upon my breathing to give me the best clue. When it becomes shallow and tight, I stop whatever I am doing. Then I get moving – this is always a good time for a restroom break – to change my blood flow, plus a change of scenery gives your mind a chance to re-channel thinking – and the physical activity will start to burn some of the psychic energy that is causing the need for a time out moment. I focus on deeper breathing while moving.

We all have a lot on our mind, our plate – whatever – a time out moment now and then to reflect helps immensely.

Deciding to Deal with Decision Fatigue

Personal Growth, Work Life September 25, 2013 Leave a comment

Each person on a team needs to be able to show a willingness to make decisions, not just the leader.

The average adult makes well over 100 decisions each day, not all of them are made consciously because habit and avoidance or procrastination are decision types too. You start your decisions for the day with the choice of how you respond to the alarm and go from there. Of course there is research that shows our ability to make sound decisions can actually be eroded by the need to make a large number of decisions, a sort of decision weariness. The official wording is decision fatigue.

Being the President would require the need for making a large number of decisions in any given day, here is his take on reducing the need for smaller, daily decisions:

“You need to focus your decision-making energy. You need to routinize yourself. You can’t be going through the day distracted by trivia.”

~ Barack Obama

Thankfully you aren’t the President, but it is still a good thing to think about how you perform on a busy day when many different things are thrown at you – do you carefully consider each new request, or does your brain get more and more focused on how busy you are and actually consider the activities you are undertaking less and less? Or, to counteract decision weariness, do you prioritize decisions and apply some simple concept to address routine decisions?

You need to take a look at the methods and tools that you are using to make decisions and take it another step. Each of us, whether we realize it or not has a method, but we need to evaluate that method for effectiveness – you must establish your own criteria.

“Fact is, some lives are so filled with impedimentary drama and ancillary decision-making that there is little time left over for work.”

~ Robert Genn

How do you make sure that you aren’t falling into a rut? That you are saving your decision making energy for the helpful decisions and not expending it all on what to wear that day, what to have for lunch, what email to answer first?

Sometimes the best decision that you can make is to decide your own criteria for making good decisions. And part of that is to make sure you conserve your decision making energy for the right decisions.

My original post was on 12/14/12 – Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

Mental Reset Via Road Trip

Personal Growth, Work Life September 23, 2013 Leave a comment

My parents were raised in the same medium sized Midwestern city, but moved away to follow my dad’s job early in their marriage. This meant that from a small age, I was used to getting in the car for a drive to see extended family. Being in the car meant dad driving, always. Mom variously would start games with us, get us to sing rounds, read or sleep. There came to be a rhythm of family interaction and personal introspection that I found pleasant.

Ever since being on my own, I have sought out a road trip or two each year because of this thought rhythm. New sights outside the car window can be triggers for new thoughts and ideas. (And blog posts.)

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

~ Isaac Asimov

Just like the country in general, my life has been churning a lot of change in the past year or so and a road trip was just what I needed to think, adjust and let the light in. I am back from a very quick trip to an area that I called home for several years. It is a small town, county seat, in a rural setting. It gave me a chance to think while on the road, and to get a bit of green therapy in places that we used to go hiking.

Even if your life has been same old same old, it is helpful to figure out a way to scrub off your assumptions and there is nothing like a change of scenery to do it.

I have this conversation with myself during almost every road trip – this is the time that I will make a point to not be so stuck on getting to my destination, but stop at some of the local places that post signs along the road. I know that it is important to expand my perception once in a while. On the way home I did just this, and reminded myself that it was fun as I was grumbling about pulling into my garage so late at the end of the trip.

How do you give yourself a mental reset once in awhile?

Go For It and Carry a Hello Kitty™ Lunchbox

Personal Growth, Work Life, Writing September 20, 2013 Leave a comment

There is a constant yin-yang between wanting to fit in and expressing individuality. We somehow think that we will leave this behind when we cross the threshold to adulthood and finally be comfortable, but find soon enough – drat it all – that this balance is a life-long pursuit in our personal and professional lives. And balance is probably not the best word because how few of us ever feel that we have found just the right weighting of each element? (Or even in those sweet moments that we do, how quickly something changes again.)

We progress through life attempting to figure out how to fit in within ourselves and also within various groups. Do I? Should I? How was that? Validation is sweet. Small set-backs in one area can ripple through our impression of placement in other areas painfully and quickly. Seismic moments of uncertainty can make us want to jump in bed, pull the covers up and figure out how to be a hermit.

I have been able to find my way through life, so far, in a manner that has allowed me to sample many geographic areas, various groups – formal and informal, and provided latitude to explore different ideas. I have soared and I have stumbled, mostly plodded along at a fairly steady pace. It has helped that my mom shared her infinite curiosity and my dad shared his determination. These traits have served me well and stand in place of confidence and assuredness when necessary, plus make room for all sorts of adjustments here and there.

About that Hello Kitty™ lunchbox – I am drawn to her calm, serene thoroughly pleased countenance. But I was too old when she first came into popularity because she was marketed to girls several years younger than me. Purportedly then, I was much too old when she came back to prominence a few years ago. But a funny thing had happened in the years between. I got comfortable enough with my sense of self that I could indulge in the whimsy that Hello Kitty™ offered, despite my advanced age.

When I received said lunchbox as a gift my practical side said, this will be more useful and less wasteful than paper bags; and my creative self said, what a great thing to give me a smile every day. I was firmly on the leadership track at work by then, but I have never believed that professionalism leaves no room for personal – even quirky – expression. I am possibly in the minority in this belief.

People from senior management down to entry level didn’t quite know how to react to my new possession. Even the person who gave it to me might have been surprised that I used it at work. (I never asked and she never said.) Some people tried to make me feel embarrassed about carrying such a ‘childish’ item into an office. ‘About that lunchbox of yours’ they would start and I would jump in, ‘doesn’t she just brighten up your day?’. They didn’t know where to go after that.

I carried that lunchbox for about 6ish years. Until she was looking a bit worn and tired. Another friend gave me a new bag, also with personality, but this time more ‘grown-up’. The Hello Kitty™ lunchbox was retired. But she is still in my heart, rooting for self-expression.

What Virtue in Acceptance?

Personal Growth, Work Life September 19, 2013 Leave a comment

Pick your battles, my mom used to say. She was referencing child rearing, but it applies in other aspects of life just as well, certainly at work. She was right about the child rearing part that is for sure; I wish that I had done a few early things differently. But I learned, and I started to apply this thought to many things.

How do you decide what to welcome, or accept?

Virtue doesn’t seem to be a popular word or idea these days. And yet there is virtue in having virtue since it is a good or admirable quality or property.

We have all heard of the Serenity Prayer, and there is definite power to accepting the things that we cannot change when including the wisdom for knowing what those things might be. Then again, we should thank our lucky stars for the people who challenge conventional wisdom now and again about the things that we cannot change. Sometimes we can, collectively, have a go at these things. Tipping at windmills in groups has been known to affect change when it seemed acceptance was virtuous. One person’s belief that they can affect change can spread.

Yet acceptance can be calming when applied to things that we cannot change, that are outside of our control. The virtue comes in saving our energy for affecting change where we do have control. In questioning the wisdom of everything, not accepting, we become malcontents. Monday starts your work week and insists upon rolling around every week? Acceptance of this inevitability is calming. A rule no longer has basis in reality after the latest round of changes, tip at that windmill.

Do you see virtue in acceptance?