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Do the Lady and the Tiger Still have Power?

Random thoughts, Writing June 6, 2014 Leave a comment

Certain events and experiences have a powerful impact far beyond the time that they take to occur. I think that is a safe assertion to make. We all know someone who still brings up their glory moment from their distant past every chance that they get.

I won’t bore you with a long ago glory moment. But story moments, now those are worth bringing up again. In some cases I have let the author (shame on me as someone so interested in writing) or the title fade but the storyline comes back fresh as the day that I read it. There are many stories from my early teens that have this resonating factor to this day. Some I read in a classroom and some I stumbled upon in a library.

Frank Stockton’s “The Lady or the Tiger” is one such story. I read it in Mr. Bruno’s 7^th grade class which would make me about 12 I think. We read some great stuff in Mr. Bruno’s class – I’m sure that I have mentioned him here before. (The search function in WordPress declares my memory to be faulty, I wrote about him on my old blog – Take it for Your Share and Go On)

public domain image

Mr. Bruno gave us a writing assignment to determine the end of the story because crafty Frank Stockton left the reader hanging. Well, I couldn’t settle on a convincing argument for either resolution so I got crafty myself, got into the main character’s head while he pondered his choices and just as he reached for the door he had chosen, my essay ended. Mr. Bruno loved my piece and gave me an A. And I learned a great deal about decision making and storytelling.

Now I have come home with a new book – bought from the clearance table (double bonus) – that is an anthology of stories where the writer leaves it up to the reader to tie up all the ends. Guess what story is in the book? Yes, my old favorite. Plus it seems Frank Stockton wrote a follow up story and I just adore the title already, “The Discourager of Hesitancy”. I hope the story lives up to that fabulous title.

First, I will have to read “The Lady or the Tiger” again. And I am a bit hesitant because Thomas Wolfe famously told us You Can’t Go Home Again. What if the Lady and the Tiger have lost their power over me?

Creativity Clocked In

Work Life May 27, 2014 Leave a comment

The number of people who say that they aren’t creative astounds me. Maybe they have a very narrow definition of creativity? Maybe they don’t want to talk about their creative efforts because they don’t want to be judged? Maybe someone once told them that they aren’t creative?

I think that we all have our creative moments, if we don’t define creativity too tightly, with too many restrictions. To my thinking, creativity should be pleasing to the creator and build positive energy. It should be something that we encourage in everyone. A little quiet time, some mental space and more people might be able to tap into their own creative vein.

I have tried my own hand at sewing, knitting, painting, drawing, wood burning, wood working, writing, photography, acting, music, gardening, cooking, baking, crochet, embroidery (even designing my own pieces), and other pursuits that refuse to come to mind right now. I tried each of these things because they interested me. I have been somewhat more successful at some than at others, but I enjoyed learning about the process even if I was disappointed in the result.

Some of my past creative output

I suppose there are those who might say some of the things that I listed aren’t creative – back to defining creativity. I do define almost anything that can be subjectively applied and have a different end result as potentially creative.

I am impressed by the creativity that other people show. I am particularly impressed by people who are able to make a living using their creative skills. For many of us, creativity is something that is mostly applied to hobbies – though I have used creative thinking more than once at work.

I’m not entirely sure that I could be creative on demand. Though sticking with any creative pursuit does require a certain amount of discipline. And one of the biggest keys to creativity is being able to tap into the right mindset, so perhaps creativity on demand is just a matter of making sure that you tend the path, or paths, to that mindset.

I was very lucky to have two parents who were highly creative in their own ways. (Though I am wondering now how they might each respond to being called creative.) Both of my parents encouraged us to take on creative pursuits, and each spent time on their own creative outlets to lead by example.

The results of other people’s creativity are easily found on the internet and these can be inspiration to try something out for ourselves, or hindrance out of fear that our own effort won’t be so accomplished. I don’t think that deciding to express creativity requires accomplishment. Do you?

Writer’s note: I am changing my writing schedule because summer is a very busy season at my workplace. I love the challenge of coming up with topics to share here, and was proud of myself for keeping up with it during this last frigid winter when my thoughts were frozen, but I hope to find a balance between keeping things fresh here and keeping my team motivated through our busy weeks. I will be posting on Tuesdays and Fridays, which hopefully will give all of us a bit of time to enjoy the summer months.

Mr. Nobody’s at it Again

Random thoughts May 12, 2014 1 Comment

Two boys can get into rather a bit of trouble in the blink of an eye. Especially when led astray by a rapscallion like Mr. Nobody. I never clapped eyes on the fellow, but he apparently freeloaded at our house for quite a few years – from the time that my boys were 3 or 4 years old on up until they figured out how to get into mischief on their own or with their friends.

He just came into being one day – the day before the standard answer to questions about what was going on was the universal ‘I don’t know’ accompanied with a shrug and shifty eyes, the next day with a wink and a nod the answer changed to ‘Mr. Nobody did it’. I took to sharing pointers with the boys that they should pass on to Mr. Nobody. Like respecting property and what was considered acceptable or not. They would listen and solemnly agree to pass on the lesson or concern.

Mr. Nobody was a safe scapegoat who, to the best of my knowledge, never got into anything really awful or unforgivable. Well, there were the two broken windows (of the two windows in the boys’ room), but luckily no one was actually hurt.

Mr Nobody won’t show up for a few more years, but the mischief is there.

Boys have a lot of energy and curiosity which can be a dangerous combination – it is proven that males have a higher mortality rate from conception onward. Mr. Nobody allowed us to talk about dangers, actions and consequences without accusations. Sometimes the boys even participated in talking about how Mr. Nobody should be punished so that he would understand the gravity of his actions.

Mr. Nobody probably had a hand in helping the boys to develop their critical thinking skills – his invention was certainly a bit of creative thinking. He came about as a bit of avoidance, a hope of deflection – a sophisticated use of humor for boys so young – and he stuck around as long as he was useful.

Is there a Mr. Nobody in your life? An inspired invention that fulfilled much more than its original purpose. (My younger son says he was a diabolical super-villain. Ah, perspective.)

Perception of Control

Personal Growth, Work Life May 7, 2014 Comments: 2

I feel compelled by circumstances to write on this topic. In a short span I came across the following links that relate to the topic of control and our perception of our level of control:

3 Reasons You Can’t Climb Out of Your Financial Hole

TheRealMikeRowe on Facebook – 4/19/14 Saturday Mail Call

So if I start out this post about control saying that I feel compelled to do something, then who has control? Well I do, because I didn’t have to pay attention to the forces that happened to bring these examples to me within minutes of each other. But I am also aware of the influence and how it affects my behavior. How many people live their lives with a high perception of a lack of control?

Too bad we can't have a time out spot like this nearby when we need it.

We can’t control the weather.

I learned early on that I operate better when I have structure, so I created structure when the situation didn’t provide it. I see this as a gift of my melancholy. I also learned that this awareness seems to be rare. There is an assumption that control is held by others in many instances.

If we assume that the control is held by others, then we abdicate any control that we might hold in a given situation. And it might be that the overall control is held by someone else – but there are almost always aspects of control that we might be able to hold if not wield.

The example that comes to mind is the jury that I sat on over 10 years ago. (Fascinating experience – I highly recommend it, but found it hard to balance my life for those 5 days.) The young man was on trial for murder because he drove the car in a drive by shooting. Had he exerted control that night and not taken his crew for that ride, instead followed his original plans to go on a date, there is a high potential that none of us would have been there those January days. Had his lawyers exerted some control and put up some sort of defense, he might not have been found guilty.

I could go on with that more extreme example. There are plenty of examples every day. Maybe someone regularly interrupts you at the office. You could find a firm and suitable response that lets that person know you will find them when you are available instead of letting the interruptions continue.

I thought it was interesting that most of the comments that I read through on the financial article didn’t address the points of the article at all, rather unconsciously reinforced the first point that many people have a perception of lack of control over their own financial solutions. Awareness of where you might take control, no matter how small, is a first step.

An Accomplished Grumbler

Random thoughts April 23, 2014 Leave a comment

In our house, growing up, we learned early on that whining, wheedling and grumbling got you banished. Who wanted to be banished? We kept our grumbling to ourselves when we just couldn’t help but indulge in it. (Especially when dad was around, he ‘would give us something to grumble about’!) I did my best to instill this same message in my boys that grumbling wasn’t an effective method of getting what you want.

My son’s dog grumbles. (Hrumphf, hmmrrr, rrrmmm, sigh) It is hilarious as long as she only does it occasionally. And only hilarious because she is a dog. I never knew that animals wheedled before.

What isn’t hilarious is the percentage of the adult population who didn’t get the same message that children got in my family – that grumbling isn’t effective in getting your point across. There are an amazing number of grown people who must have had their childish grumbling validated and have carried this annoying trait into adult life. Who have become accomplished grumblers.

What does grumbling cost the grumbler? Why were we banished when we got in that mode as kids? My mom was a Pollyanna type – amazingly positive and sunny. (Not sickeningly, perky cheerleader so.) One of the ways that she stayed that way was to focus on positive activities, which grumbling is decidedly not. Grumbling is gloomy and low energy and draining. It sucks you in rather than drawing you closer and you can’t wait to get some distance.

I try really hard not to laugh out loud when the dog does her grumbling thing. She is a clown and I don’t want her to think this is a good method to get what she wants. I don’t want her to be added to the list of accomplished grumblers.

A Near Complete Lack of Curiosity

Random thoughts, Work Life April 21, 2014 Comments: 4

I never fail to be stumped when I encounter a person with a near complete lack of curiosity. I can’t even bring myself to say that the person may have a complete lack of curiosity. I have to qualify it, and hope that the person has some curiosity about something that I just don’t see. It just doesn’t seem possible to me that a person could have zero curiosity.

Sure there are things that I am not interested in at all, or so I believe right now. I would have said that was true about beer until last June when I sat through a talk that my son wanted to attend and the panel brought up the history of beer and tied it to some things that I am interested in. Heck, I find myself feeling curious about math at times now that my niece is so taken with the topic.

But there are people who just want to be told to put that there and twist this a half a turn and move on. They don’t want to know why. They don’t want to know how the thing came to be in front of them or what will happen to it after it moves on. Huh. I am curious why that is, what is it about their make-up that left aside the wonder? I can’t fathom it.

Sure, curiosity killed the cat but lack of curiosity narrows. Or at least it seems to me. I would like to have a conversation with someone who has no interest in learning new things, who is content within their comfort zone. Has that person ever had to deal with big changes? In my experience life brings alterations, from tiny to seismic, fairly regularly and my curiosity has helped me to get resettled.

What importance do you place on curiosity?

Social Media Samba

Random thoughts, Work Life April 16, 2014 Leave a comment

I realize that I haven’t written about LinkedIn in a long while. (I have to admit that I haven’t allotted much time for LinkedIn lately – shhh don’t tell them, it’s bad for my SEO.) It is hard to keep up with all the content that can be found for perusal on the social media sites – and there is plenty that is worthy.

Do you do social media? Are you tweeting and Facebooking and connecting on LinkedIn? Or all of the other social media sites that seem to pop up every week. I have no idea what the latest thing might be in terms of social media but I’m sure there is someone to tell me what I should be doing this week.

I do have a social media presence because I do get that it has merit. It provides a great topic for interaction with new acquaintances too. Ask a person about their social media engagement and you will find out quite a bit about that person. As much, or maybe even more, than you would if you brought up one of the taboo topics of religion or politics. Everyone has a position on social media.

I have found that it equates a bit to dancing – hence my title today. (Plus I just liked the alliteration.) Particularly for people of a certain age. Do you dance – are you on social media – seem to cause many people to become self-conscious. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of doing the ‘wrong thing’.

While I wouldn’t advocate going out and standing in the middle of the dance floor and moving with the abandon of a 3 year old, I think that we should all be aware when we stop ourselves from doing something because of the fear of embarrassment. Look at all of the public figures who have overcome some amazing faux pas.

Come on and pick the rhythm of your choice and stretch your social media muscles.

A Chance to Lead

Random thoughts, Work Life April 11, 2014 Leave a comment

You decide if this post is about group dynamics or individual leadership. Several things have gotten me to think about leadership from different angles recently. Talk about leadership is everywhere, a distinct meaning of what it really is, is not so prevalent.

Have you ever been in a group where everyone is trying to lead – whether there is an established leader or not? Everyone is working to get the upper hand for their own agenda and chaos ensues.

George Washington in 1775 (public domain image)

Have you ever been in a group where no one wants to take the lead – even if there is a designated leader? Aimless chaos usually ensues, along with plenty of finger pointing when nothing is accomplished.

Have you had opportunities to lead? How did they come about? I had an employee once who would regularly tell everyone and anyone that she never got any opportunity to lead. Because she expected the opportunity to come gift wrapped with a tag that read ‘This is Your Chance to Lead’. When she would ask me about leadership opportunities, I would start to enumerate specific recent instances that were opportunities to show leadership – to direct a circumstance to her expected outcome.

Have you been on a team with a leadership vacuum? How did you respond? If you created your own method to get your work done and perhaps to help your coworkers do the same did you see that as leadership?

Have you ever known a leader who complained that they had to do everything because otherwise it wasn’t done right… because the only right way was their way?

A boss should be a leader, but a true leader doesn’t have to be a boss. I know I have quotations about leadership, being a boss and the distinguishing characteristics of each in a quote book that I keep, but those will have to go in a future post on leadership.

What do you have to say about group dynamics, leadership, and bosses?

Change: Affinity vs. Ability

Personal Growth, Work Life April 7, 2014 Leave a comment

Life is so much nicer all around when we like what is happening; what we are doing, where we are living and so on. Sometimes we forget that there is a difference between liking, affinity, and skill at a task, or ability. We all have skills that we could use to our advantage but often don’t because we just don’t have the affinity.

I’ve met plenty of people who, without saying it straight up, think that they will know they are on the right track because everything will snap into place – life will be easier and smoother if they are in the right place. If things are difficult, it must be the wrong direction or place or whatever. How many times have you been in a discussion with someone who shuts you down on a topic with something like, ‘oh, I’m not any good at (fill in the blank)’?

The world is ever changing. (public domain image)

Math doesn’t have any sort of magic for me like words do, I just don’t have much of an affinity. But I have come to understand the importance of having a math competency – in financial dealings at the very least. I will never gravitate to math, but I can be proud that I can master the more important math concepts and make use of them in my life. And I have discovered that there are fascinating parts of math – statistics and economics do stir my curiosity.

We don’t get to arrange all of the pieces of our lives so that we can focus only on those things that we like. (We’re lucky to arrange most of them, the big ones hopefully.) And it isn’t always clear to see when you are on the right track, because that track might be just as bumpy and difficult as the wrong one.

Writing is a skill that makes plenty of people grimace, I both understand and feel consternated about this fact. But like math for me, it is an ability that can be developed to serve your overall purpose. You can like what a competency in a certain skill brings you without having an affinity for the concepts of the skill.

Glitchy

Random thoughts, Work Life April 2, 2014 Leave a comment

Sometimes a computer just gets balky and glitchy and needs a do-over – hitting restart can shake whatever temporary demon is creating difficulty out of the programming. Well, a day or a meeting or your brain can be glitchy too – you know what I’m talking about.

Glitch (Dictionary.com)

noun

a defect or malfunction in a machine or plan.

2. Computers. any error, malfunction, or problem. Compare bug¹( def 5 ) .

a brief or sudden interruption or surge in voltage in an electriccircuit.

verb (used with object)

to cause a glitch in: an accident that glitched our plans.

I like what Dictionary.com has to say about the word origin:

Glitch

1962, Amer.Eng., possibly from Yiddish glitsh “a slip,” from glitshn “to slip,” from Ger. glitschen, and

related gleiten “to glide.” Perhaps directly from Ger.; it began as technical jargon in the argot of electronic hardware engineers, popularized and given a broader meaning by U.S. space program.

Glitch sounds like what it is – something that tripped up what was supposed to happen.

If a computer can purge a glitch by restarting (sometimes several times), how do we humans get a do-over when we have glitchy moments? Ah, not so simple.

photo credit: Wikipedia

A big game, a player gets the ball and becomes confused and heads the wrong way – a glitch for sure – he or she can’t take it back. Teammates, the coach and fans are furious. A very public oops moment. The player can only go forward and learn to take the ribbing every time that moment comes up again.

Computers don’t have to worry about the embarrassment factor. If the computer that holds your most important presentation decides not to get going just when your presentation is due to start the computer won’t feel stupid or inadequate.

Humor helps in these moments, for humans not computers. (Though I hear that Siri has a sense of humor.) Shared laughter can get us past the glitch, ease any tension. Sometimes it’s the closest thing we have to a restart.

Here’s hoping for a glitch free day. Human and machine.