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The Doing of It

Random thoughts April 7, 2015 Comments: 4

I imagine that we all think of ourselves as doers – people who can do what needs to be done to get where we want or need to be. It starts with the encouragement that most of us got when we did something simple like pile of couple of blocks on top of each other at an early age. (That felt good, I want to do that again.)

My father was a doer – he made his lists, he planned, he checked tools and supplies, and one by one he checked off the points on the list until it was time to make a new list. He had many skills that are useful for a homeowner and each of the houses that we owned showed some result of his carpentry, electrical, plumbing or other abilities before we put that house on the market and moved to the next one.

Dad built these bookshelves at Mom’s request

Growing up watching him and sometimes helping, I thought I was a do-it-yourself-er. Despite his flashes of irritation, he made it look wonderful to craft a new thing or fix something up. It seemed very industrious, and clearly this was something to aspire to be. But, I have come to the conclusion that while I might be an itinerate helper of a do-it-yourself-er, I am not – myself – a do-it-yourself kind of person. At least in relation to work around the house. I am very good at admiring a finely done piece of handiwork and I have picked up a bit of knowledge about the right way to do some of the tasks which is helpful when I hire out.

Mom, while more of an imaginer – an excellent idea person, was a doer in her own way. No lists, well maybe a jotted thought here or there or a cut out article. She too had handicraft skills because of her fascination with creation. She learned to sew, knit, and crochet. She tried her hand at gardening and drawing (stick figures). I whiled away hours watching her turn a length of fabric into an article of clothing. She was a better teacher than dad, but there could be flashes of impatience if a question was ill-timed.

We never talked about the difference between talking, dreaming, planning and doing. The difference between short-term effort on a project and long term industry to create a life and support a family. The fact that some doing leads to a greater thing and some isn’t so effective. Does anyone really talk about these differences?

How well we each are at creating our own success is dependent upon how well we internalize the lessons we experienced in regards to doing. There is much to the doing of it.

Niceties and Curiosities

Random thoughts March 10, 2015 Comments: 2

“Beauty gives you peace, wherever you encounter it in the world.”

~Jens Jensen

A variety of events, occasions and articles have formulated into this post. I am in the midst of binge watching season 5 of Downton Abbey before it is no longer streaming on PBS.org, I read an article that 5/3 bank commissioned a study of our impatience as part of their new marketing campaign (we are a terribly impatient crowd), and I have stumbled back upon these unrelated quotations that I am using in this post and they helped my disparate thoughts to gel. Plus other bits of mental flotsam and jetsam.

Downton is set in a time that was more mannered than our own, not a time that was simpler (though we like to imagine that past times were simpler than our own, because we crave simplicity), but also a time when there were stricter class distinctions. Courtesy ruled interactions, decorum was de rigueur, and while class might have locked you in place it also told you where you stood.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

~Mother Teresa

When the societal changes after WWI started to gather strength, somehow courtesy was weakened with the loosening of class structure. We have lamented the increasing lack of common courtesy for a very long time, it seems. But still niceties can be more like curiosities these days. Since solutions have to start somewhere, I work to stay conscious of my own level of courtesy. There are times when strangers are almost amazed when I have held a door for them. Not just pleased or thankful, but stunned from complacency.

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My local grocery chain is running a promotion right now that I am not participating in, though I have gotten dishes and cookware from past promotions. When I’m asked if I am participating, I check with the person behind me in line and if they are I say that I am and give them the tokens. It is a little thing, but it makes us both feel good. I have been the beneficiary of such gestures in those past promotions.

These are tiny little connections with my fellow humans that I only wish could be more frequent. Sometimes I am too deep in a reverie and I miss opportunities, which is unfortunate. Perhaps a part of our general impatience is just the fact that we have too many interactions with others that are lacking in any connection. Sometimes the opposite happens, I walk into the store frustrated and out of sorts at the end of a long day and by that simple act of sharing those tokens and making eye contact I walk out feeling better about the world.

Technology: Making it a Tool and not a Distraction!

Random thoughts January 6, 2015 Leave a comment

My sister-in-law originally posted this great piece on her own blog – Nicole Lynskey Technology: Making it a Tool and not a Distraction! – and I thought it worthy to share while I ponder my own first post of the year. I agree with her that technology is a boon and a potential impediment to the rest of our life.

Technology can be a wonderful tool. How much easier it is to find your way around a new city with GPS. How cool is it that you can see the face of a loved one while you talk to them from a 1000 miles away. But technology – Facebook, TV, smart phones, email, texting – can also be distracting or even addicting.

What is the technology that you find distracting? I have friends that have killed off their Facebook accounts because they found that it eats up too much of their time. And I have Facebook friends who post so often it makes me wonder how they ever get anything done.

Mine is not Facebook. I don’t do farm animals games. If you post more than once a day, I will most likely just read the first entry. For me Facebook is an awesome tool; it is a place where I’m connected to my community. I hear about deaths and births and dog birthdays and news headlines I would otherwise miss. I’m Facebook friends with cousins I have only met twice and relatives in Norway.

That is the thing about technology, whether it is Facebook, the T.V., your smart phone, an iPod, Twitter, or email. It has the potential to be a tool. And it has the potential to be a distraction or even an addiction. In one study, they found that some knowledge workers were checking their email up to 30 times an hour. In another, some college students reported that they were on their smart phones up to 10 hours a day.

My technology addiction of choice has always been T.V. At 9PM, when my day ends, I love to turn on re-runs of shows like Star Trek. This is brain dead zone for me. I learn nothing about the world. I simply escape. And when I watch, it is as if I have been sucked directly into the T.V. When Major Kira of Deep Space Nine cries, I cry. When Commander Sisko laughs, I laugh. Luckily, I have limited free time and so this addiction remains somewhat small. The average American (shockingly) watches something like 35 hours of TV a week, or 5 hours a day. But while my TV time is minimal, I do find it gets in the way.

Now, many have decried the evils of T.V. But it can also be a great tool. I have friends who watch T.V., and use it to learn and discover. They watch NOVA and documentaries. They seem to have no problem turning it off and doing something else.

So why can technology be so addicting? There are a couple of places I would point to:

The Distractibility Factor.

The first is that technology has a high degree of distractibility. Think about those knowledge workers checking their email every two minutes. Email can be fun. It can feel a little like a popularity contest: Oh! I wonder who has responded to me! It can be obsessive: Did he answer my question yet? Did he answer my question yet?

Or think about Facebook. How many times have I gone into Facebook to check information on an event and then suddenly I’m off reading posts. Then, 10 minutes later, I “come to” and think “what was I trying to do?”

Avoidance

The second thing I’ll point to is a certain darkness inside of us that can be hiding out. In the last few weeks I’ve been instituting no-TV-Tuesdays. The first thing I came up against was the question of who am I, what do I like to do to relax, if I am not watching my nightly show. There is a bit of a dark spot over my soul, that, in watching TV, I can escape. In the absence of the TV, there is quiet. In the quiet of my heart, what is it that I don’t want to hear? (Like, for me, the devastating things that happen on this planet. Or the question of what it means to be closer to 50 than to 40. )

So, in turning away from our technology addictions, there is also an opportunity to look more deeply into our own psyche and ask if there is something we are avoiding.

What can we do to curb our addictions?

Here are a few suggestions:

Get clear on the purpose of the technology for you. Is it a tool for learning? Is it for connection? In what ways is it a tool for you and in what ways a distraction? For example: when I use Facebook I am super clear that I am there to connect with people. That’s it. I don’t do anything else. And that helps me use it well.
Take a look at that question: Is there something I’m avoiding or hiding out from?
Create a little holiday from your addicting technology. By just opening this little window of no-TV-Tuesday, I have come to see other possibilities. There are books I want to read. I could listen to Public Radio. (How could I have forgotten!?) When I do watch TV, which is still to often for my taste, it is often with more of a sense of choice. I could watch TV. Or I could take a bath or I could turn on the radio.

Use a timer. I find this to be a really effective tool for me. I set a timer for how long I want to focus on a difficult task. During that time, I ban myself from email & Facebook. And I also set a timer for how long I plan to be in a distracted state. For example: maybe I give myself 15 minutes to check email, look at Facebook and generally browse the internet.

What about you? What are your addictions and what are your solutions? Let me know!

My Gratitude List

Random thoughts November 25, 2014 1 Comment

The older that I get, the more I like the fact that we have set aside a national day for Thanksgiving, for gratitude. I only wish that we paid a bit more attention to this opportunity instead of focusing so much on the sales that now overwhelm this holiday. In honor of Thanksgiving later this week, here is my list of a few things for which I am thankful, in no particular order. And certainly not complete.

Kitten is feisty and eating and getting a bit more adventurous.

Much of my immediate family is gathering for the holiday, it will be good to see both my brother and sister’s families. I only wish my older son and daughter-in-law could make it.
Plenty of interesting things to learn.
I’ve had some good opportunities at work this year.
All my friends and family.
Good books to read.
The chance to write regularly.
Chocolate
Chances to share stories and experiences.
Whenever I feel like humming or bursting into song
Coming home to a dinner that my son has created
Christmas lights sparkling in the too early dark (yes, even the ones before Thanksgiving – I am more forgiving of the home décor than the demand to shop)
Coming across a forgotten favorite – photo, song, book…
Sitting around and chatting with friends
Offering or being the recipient of random acts of kindness

I hope that each and every person who comes across this post has a long list of things for which you are thankful this season.

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Please Stand By

Random thoughts November 11, 2014 Comments: 6

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Hello Blog Readers,

We have a needy new resident at my house – a tiny kitten. He didn’t even have his eyes open when he first arrived and his need for attention is all out of proportion with his size. He hasn’t left me much time to develop any blog ideas.

I will return soon.

I’m Voting for Participation

Random thoughts November 4, 2014 Leave a comment

I will vote later today, I will walk over to my polling place after I come home from work – all the way across the street – and then walk home for dinner and the rest of my evening. I used to vote when I dropped off my kids for school, or picked them up, once I was working full time. Having polling places that are accessible is a wise move. People are more likely to participate in something that fits in with their routine.

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Way back when I turned 18, long before these kerfuffles about voter id laws, my birthday was in October and I went in to vote with my parents a few weeks later in November – I registered right there. I was excited to participate, and hadn’t given much thought to the specific candidates or races until the moment when I pulled the curtain to close myself into the booth – other than governor. (It wasn’t a presidential election year.) It was one of those old machines with levers – including one that would allow me to vote straight ticket. One swipe and I could be done, having performed my civic duty. I was a bit dismayed that there were so many different races. And incumbents and opponents. I hadn’t prepared myself.

At that moment I realized that my right to vote, just like a lot of other things in life, was complex and required more from me than a bit of time and effort on Election Day. If I voted strictly based on party affiliation I could be voting for a person who wasn’t qualified. That didn’t sit quite comfortably with me, even then when I was still new to the adult world and believed that everyone acted with good intentions.

The newspaper has become a great ally in my quest to be a regular voter. I believe strongly in the importance of participation. Without the newspaper it would be much more difficult to be an informed participant. Who is running against whom, why, what do they stand for or against? So many names flow in front of us in TV ads, on flyers and bill boards and yard signs. The candidates don’t always tell us the basics – what office are they seeking, what party do they represent, what reasoning do they offer? Our Founding Fathers expected citizenry to be informed and act accordingly. (We won’t consider their understanding of human nature today.)

Regardless of each voter’s level of information on the candidates and issues, participation is a basic element. Without it, what can we expect?

Number Stories

Job Search, Work Life October 28, 2014 Leave a comment

(Originally posted on 9/25/14 to a shared blog – http://blogtowork.wordpress.com/2014/09/25/number-stories/)

photo credit: Huffington Post

Math and numbers have never resonated for me the way that words do. I understand that they have a practical use – at least basic math – and appreciate knowing how to use them for things like balancing my checkbook. And I’ve always been happy to know people who really get numbers so I can ask them for help when things get beyond basic. It has only been in recent years that I have discovered an area of numbers that really is fascinating – statistics.

Statistics are stories told with numbers. Why didn’t anyone ever tell me? Not story problems like why did the train go faster from station a to station b or whatever nonsense. No, number stories – data meets the story arc. Very intriguing.

Why am I bringing this up here? Because job search is loaded with statistics, some of them quite contrary, and all of it worthy of some attention by job seekers. We all know about the unemployment rate, at least the national one that is regularly reported on the evening news. But there are state and regional unemployment rates. Rates based on ethnicity and age group, level of education and industry segment (healthcare, manufacturing, service, etc.). Oh and make sure that you know how it is calculated because that is a whole other facet of the story for this number.

What about the workforce participation rate? I don’t remember ever hearing about this one until the Great Recession. This one is the percentage of adults who are working for pay. This number is also at an all-time (read since this has been tracked, I believe starting somewhere in the 1970s) low and seems to be dropping. The story is in understanding better why it is dropping. And in comparing this data to the unemployment rate – if the unemployment rate is dropping, why is the workforce participation rate also dropping?

Then there is the job opening ratio – the number of posted open positions juxtaposed with the number of qualified applicants who are actively looking. This seems to be coming down a bit, there aren’t quite so many qualified applicants for each open position, but still too many for the comfort of each job seeker. This is the number that directly affects another number – the average number of weeks or months it can take someone to land their new position. Last year I know that this average was hovering around eight months.

There are plenty of other statistics, but you get the idea. These numbers aren’t just for the media and politicians to bandy about – there are lives behind each one. Stories of individuals affected, but also of how the information is collected and applied. The statistic isn’t the end of the story, but the beginning.

It comes down to your number story, which is quite simple. Back to basic math; one person who needs one suitable position. At least knowing some of these number stories can give you discussion points with Aunt Betty the next time she asks you again why you don’t have a job.

Caution and Risk

Random thoughts October 7, 2014 Comments: 4

Just the right balance between these two forces seems to be not only the key to survival, but also plays into success. Cautious people live to tell their tales and to raise a new generation, but they might not have taken enough risk. Risk takers might have gone a bit too far and checked out early.

I just spent some time with a couple of four month old kittens. Sisters, one just a tad bolder than the other. Kittens instinctively know that a certain hesitancy around new things is prudent, but they also have a strong need to know – what’s in here, can I fit in there, can I jump high enough, will this hold my weight…

Natural laws and human rules provide some boundaries for their explorations. A thing just beyond their reach is terribly tempting, conversely after a few minutes with the thing it loses its charm and they are off to the next thing.

How do we find that right balance for ourselves? Thoughts of if only I’d done or not done this or that might mean that we were too cautious or too bold. But maybe only in hindsight, too. I bought my house right before the housing crash so I shake my head at the amount of money that – on paper – has disappeared. But I’ve had the benefit of living in the house for the last nine years and being removed from the townhouse complex where I had previously lived. So, do I count this in the good or bad category? Hmmm.

Stay or move, keep a job or switch, invest in Microsoft (wish I had) or buy that car which provided mobility (when it wasn’t in the shop). Get married, have a baby, buy a house, retire now – here or there? Caution or risk?

I’m not sure that I will ever figure out just the right balance, but the consideration is worthy of a few more years of research (also known as living). When have you been overly cautious or entirely too risky? Or maybe you have gotten it just right?

Hardy

Random thoughts September 30, 2014 Comments: 2

Now this is a word that we don’t use nearly often enough these days.

“I’m interested in that thing that happens where there’s a breaking point for some people and not for others. You go through such hardship, things that are almost impossibly difficult, and there’s no sign that it’s going to get any better, and that’s the point when people quit. But some don’t.”

~Robert Redford

Life has taught me that hardy is something that I want to be, a trait that I want to cultivate. There are all sorts of breaking points, and I have a few memories of quitting this or that, like playing the flute, early on that didn’t sit well with my competitive nature.

Hardiness consists of these characteristics – resilience, optimism, flexibility and creativity. I read this in periodic research that I have done and I believe it because it has been true for me. The beautiful thing about hardiness, is that while some people are inherently hardier to begin with, it is something that can be learned and strengthened over time.

a hardy plant, Lily of the Valley

I do not lean toward optimism, but I can turn my thoughts in that direction. My mom was quite the optimist and I could regularly compare my Eeyore mindset to hers, and sometimes be amazed that her belief that things would be ok seemed to actually make them ok.

I’ve learned resilience can be born from stubbornness combined with a willingness to learn. Realization that resilience is something that I am mastering came slowly.

Flexibility and creativity also make sense as parts of the hardy equation. Creativity provides strengths and helps recharge batteries. And flexibility releases some of the pressure from stress.

I am mere days away from the beginning of a new decade, so while I hope that you get something out of reading this post it is admittedly more of an exhortation to myself that I know how to be hardy. I hope that you do too.

What Do You Recommend?

Business Writing September 26, 2014 Leave a comment

A thoughtful recommendation is a fine thing to give or receive. LinkedIn has made this process a whole lot easier. My first attempt to get a recommendation from the Head Librarian where I worked during college didn’t go as well as I planned. While she appreciated the work that I had done, she never did get around to writing that recommendation and sending it to me. I think that she might have been more likely to follow through with her intention if she’d been able to post it to my profile.

Back in the day, a professional kept a portfolio that would include originals of recommendation letters on company letterhead, carefully saved in clear plastic sleeves. I still have my dad’s judiciously built portfolio, in a nice leather binding, glowing letters spanning his career.

I have actually enjoyed writing the recommendations that I have given. (I also see benefit in thoughtfully writing employee reviews.) I spend time thinking about the characteristics and skills of that person that make them effective at their job. I tie these to specific projects and tasks that the person has completed. Sometimes if time has elapsed since we worked together, I might ask to meet and talk to refresh my memory. Vague platitudes from me aren’t going to do anybody any good.

I learned about having that conversation beforehand from one of my HR friends. I asked her for a recommendation and she asked me about my goals and expectations from the recommendation. A nice addition to the question – would you give me a recommendation – and the usual casual answer – sure.

But I don’t want to be told exactly what to say either. Any more than I am going to answer a survey on a company when they tell me that they want to hear that I was highly satisfied. (If you already know the answer, why bother to pretend to ask the question…) The reader will be able to tell when I have taken the time to craft my impression of that person from my own experience and interactions.

I’ve come to see recommendations as another facet of writing as communication. It might be simpler to ask and to post now, but that just means the effort can all go to being thoughtful in your expression.